Fighting words with Adam Carolla
The movie's called The Hammer, but is that really the tool that most accurately describes your fighting style?
Absolutely. Only it's more of an upholstery hammer. Or maybe one of those reflex hammers from the doctor's office. I wish sledgehammer described my fighting style, but, sadly, it describes my dancing style.
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| Performing with Julianne Hough presented some, uh, occupational hazards for Adam Carolla. (ABC, Kelsey McNeal / Associated Press) |
Speaking of dancing, which was harder, training for the movie's fight scenes or training for Dancing with the Stars?
Dancing, by far. First of all, I already knew how to box. Second of all, I didn't have to worry about getting aroused with any of my fellow boxers. Have you seen Julianne Hough? I'll be wearing a low-foul protector in Week 2 just to conceal my appreciation of her talents during the show.
So who looks sexier in black panties and fishnet stockings, you or Oscar de la Hoya?
Those pictures of Oscar are the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. Because they make you come to grips with the fact that there's a 140-pound tranny out there who can beat you to death. You'll never catch me in anything that ridiculous. Now where are my leg warmers, I'm late for dance rehearsal.
How badly would you kick Jimmy Kimmel's ass if you got him in the ring?
It would be ugly. I'd use my reach advantage to land some jabs and build an early lead, but Kimmel doesn't fight fair. He'd only eat so much leather before breaking wind and killing everyone in the arena. We were on a shuttle bus to the KROQ Weenie Roast once when Jimmy let loose and I swear to God I'm the only one who lived to tell about it. But only because I built up my immunity over the years.
To what do you attribute the demise of a once-proud and popular sport? Of course, we are talking about the sad and probably irreversible decline of Foxy Boxing.
Foxy Boxing has lost a lot of market share to Foxy Mixed Martial Arts. Then there was the short-lived Foxy Ultimate Championship of Karate, but its acronym was banned in 48 states. Speaking of foxes, I just learned that Jenna Jameson RSVP'd "yes" to The Hammer premiere. Great. Between Jenna and Julianne on the red carpet, there is a 100 percent chance my wife will be pissed at me before the movie even starts.
If you were ever to resort to Tyson-esque tactics in the ring, what body part of your opponent's would you be most likely to sink your teeth into and why?
I'd probably go nipple. It would hurt like hell and also express my childhood abandonment issues, which I could then use during my hearing in front of the boxing commission when I argue for reinstatement.
Dr. Ferdie Pacheco or Dr. Drew ... which one is in your corner?
I'd have to go Pinsky over Pacheco, but this gives me a great idea for a reality show. You take the six most f'd up patients of Dr. Drew's from Celebrity Rehab and the six punchiest boxers that Ferdie ever trained and have a Survivor-type competition. Winner gets an 8-ball or a new drool bucket.
Do you find that your body hair gets in the way when you fight? Or does it work to your advantage by grossing out your opponent?
It works to my advantage by cushioning the blows. I essentially walk around in a feather bed.
Who would make the hotter ring card girl, Matt Damon or Ben Affleck?
I can't talk about this. It's very painful for me. And Kimmel refuses to go to couples counseling with me to work through it. Just imagine building a life with someone and then looking up and seeing his hand in Ben Affleck's back pocket.
True or false, women weaken legs. Please elaborate.
We have a scene in The Hammer where my love interest (Heather Juergensen) tells me that Eastern philosophy says you expend massive amounts of Chi when you make love. I'll tell you what I told her: "We're in Burbank, grasshopper. And I've got enough Chi for the whole Valley."
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