All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mai...

All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked t...

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey



Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police...

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces...

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game

Featured Story

Okay, it's mailbag time.

I'm presently writing this in a Los Angeles hotel room with virtually no voice. All my life I've been afraid I'd lose my voice and it never happened. Until now. Last night on television with Petros, I got crushed in our great debate because I couldn't speak loud enough. Right now I'm in the throes of the worst cold ever. (By the way, no one talks about this, but one of the worst things about being a parent of young kids is that one of your kids always has a cold. I mean, always. If your family is big enough then you can pass the entire cold through your family and then repass it back through two weeks later. This is infuriating.)

Michael H. sends us this picture of a Bama fan with magnets on his truck:

"Thought you would enjoy this photo I took in front of an Alabama McDonalds this morning. I think what I love most is that the two magnets don't quite match - meaning they were definitely purchased at separate times. This guy was so happy with the first magnet that he had to go out and get a second one made for child #2. The handy plates are a nice touch too.

May Bama and Kentucky fans never change."

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote this first sentence, which I think is the best in the history of novels, in "One Hundred Years of Solitude:" “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

I mean, that's just f-ing amazing.

The entire book is just as good.

I've always been a big reader -- you think I got this good at dick jokes by accident? -- and back when I was a kid I was told if you like one book an author writes then go back and read everything he's ever written in the order he wrote it. Here would be my all-time top five favorite writers: 1. William Faulkner 2. Cormac McCarthy 3. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez 4. Franklin W. Dixon (I know this was a syndicate of dozens of writers, but I loved the Hardy Boys when I was a kid. Don't even get me started on the tears I shed when Iola Morton got blown up). 5. Ernest Hemingway

Okay, on to the mailbag.  

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I have drastically underrated the stupidity of West Virginia fans.

I mean, their collective idiocy is mind-boggling, like the reverse Manhattan project. I've never done two mailbags in the same day, but these West Virginia emails and Tweets are so astoundingly amazing that I want them to stand alone and be marveled at, like a great work of art in the Louvre.

It takes a particular kind of dumb to even be able to come up with these emails and Tweets. They're so illogical and harebrained and conspiracy laden it's a wonder anyone ever comes out of West Virginia alive. Or with a GED. 

Without further ado, here's the West Virginia hate mail:

During conference expansion one fan base exceeded all other fan bases in pure delusion -- West Virginia. 

Morning after morning I'd awake to find a grammatically challenged missive about why West Virginia was a great fit for the SEC or the ACC or the Big Ten or the Big 12 or the Pac 12 or any other conference in the country not named the Big East. The reasoning was illogical, harebrained, conspiracy-laden and downright incomprehensible. All of it suggested that West Virginia was a "national brand" with "huge television ratings" that promised decades of continued renown.

All of it was ridiculous and stupid.  

Welcome to West Virginia, the 8th dumbest fan base in the country. 

In 1940 West Virginia had a population of over 1.9 million people. Eighty years later the 2010 United States census estimated there were now 1.8 million people living in the state.

This means that during a seventy year period representing one of the most successful economic expansions in world history, the state of West Virginia actually lost 100,000 residents.

How remarkable was this population decline? 

Kentucky Fan Sings Worst Song In Internet History

Written by: Clay Travis

Our countdown of the ten dumbest fan bases in America has been stalled by my travel and the sudden NCAA investigation of Johnny Manziel. 

But that doesn't mean that we've suddenly stoppped paying attention to ridiculous fans. 

Which is why when several of you started sending us this Kentucky fan's video on Twitter we were so giddy.  

It's real and spectacular. 

Without further ado meet Joe Shroer and his magical song, "I bleed Big Blue."

The Manziel Moves

Written by: Todd Fuhrman

Unless you live under a rock, it’s been impossible to ignore the biggest story facing college football this offseason: targeting.  All kidding aside we know that Johnny Football has become (if he wasn’t already) the most polarizing figure in the national sports conscience not named Alex Rodriguez.  Speculation continues to run rampant about his eligibility for the 2013 season and depending on whom you speak to about the story, you’re bound to get a dissenting sentiment.  Here in the desert we have our opinions on everything sports related and when choosing to speculate on certain situations, we back each one with money.  Little to say the events of the last 10 days have flipped the gambling community on its ear as both bookmakers and gamblers try to find an edge while the Manziel chronicles unfold.

It looks like South Carolina may have its own mess surrounding a player selling his autograph.

And this time the player in question is the presumptive No. 1 pick in next year's NFL Draft, freakish defensive end Jadeveon Clowney.  

Selling your autograph would be a violation of NCAA amateurism rules, 

According to sleuthing by an SBNation blog, the same company that has been selling many Johnny Manziel officially authenticated autographs is also selling a ton of Jadeveon Clowney authentically autographed merchandise.

Specifically, 258 consecutively numbered autographed items.

Why does that matter?

Because that consecutive numbering suggests that all the signatures happened in one sitting.

Now, maybe Clowney was signing over 250 consecutive items because he thought the autographs all went to charity. Or maybe he did it because he's just a nice guy.  

Certainly those are plausible arguments I would float if I worked in South Carolina's compliance office. 

College athletes have the power to destroy the NCAA. 

All it would require is an agreement to join the revolution. 

What if three weeks from today, the day before the college football season began, every athlete held an event where every single player signed his autograph and sold it to willing fans?

The NCAA restriction on paying players would die on the spot. 


Because the NCAA isn't suspending every college football player in America the day before the season begins.

It's come to this -- Congress thinks the NCAA has low approval ratings.

As details of Johnny Manziel's purported payments for autograph signings continue to trickle out -- ESPN reported Tuesday that Manziel had received $7,500 from an autograph dealer -- public opinion has moved firmly behind Manziel. Polling my Twitter followers on whether they believe Manziel should be ruled ineligible for selling his own autographs a massive 95 percent of fans, representing a diverse cross section of rooting interests, do not want Manziel suspended.

The reason?

At long last the hypocrisy of the NCAA's gilded rules of amateurism have come to the forefront.

Most aren't focusing on Manziel's wrongdoing they are focusing on the stupidity of the NCAA rules. 

Enough reasonable people have started to ask a question that has been hanging in the air for decades -- why should players make billions for the NCAA and the colleges they play for while making nothing themselves? After all, we don't require Taylor Swift to sing in the Vanderbilt chorus for three years -- while recording albums that the school profits off -- before she's allowed to turn professional.

The storming of the college football Bastille has begun 

Nothing has changed for the NCAA.  

Musings on Clay's New Role as Fashion Designer

Written by: Hayley Frank

This morning I had a discussion with Clay about his new fashion line. I also had afternoon crumpets with the Pope, and then jetted on over to England and breastfed the new infant royal baby, whom I affectionately referred to as “Georgie.” 

Question: Which two out of the three above statements are too insanely outrageous to believe? Struggling with this question? Yeah, I kind of still am, too. Answer: Since I’m not a huge fan of crumpets (I’m more of an English muffin type of girl), and I’m physically incapable of breastfeeding at this point in my life, the only true statement from above is my finding out that Clay now has his own fashion line. 

I will give everyone a moment to digest this news—laugh, cry, drink heavily, whatever you need to do to cope with the idea that Clay Travis will now be designing and creating clothing items that real live human beings will be putting on their bodies and then wearing out in public places.

Of course he is. Because if Clay is anything, it’s clearly a fashionista.

The business of college football is being number one in everything. That is why two of the hottest programs decided it would be beneficial to upgrade their football facilities. Alabama and Oregon both unveiled their new improvements this summer and needless to say, both are unbelievable. Since these two teams can't square off on the field yet, we might as well have them compete somehow. Have a look and see which team you think has the nicer digs. 

I Own Lots More Pants Than You

Written by: Clay Travis

I've done lots of ridiculous things in my life.

But buying tens of thousands of dollars in pants and putting them for sale on the Internet is probably the most ridiculous.

There's a moment before every investment when you think, "What the hell am I really doing here?" But when your investment is pants, you definitely pause and think a bit more: "What if nobody buys these pants? What am I going to do with thousands of pairs of college-colored khaki pants?"

And the answer is, for the next three decades you know exactly what you're getting from me for weddings, Christmas, or birthdays. 


We also have awesome Outkick the Coverage t-shirts for men and women, but I'm sure these will sell pretty quickly. 

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