All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mai...

All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked t...

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey

A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DR...

A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police...

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces...

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game

Featured Story

Okay, it's mailbag time.

I'm presently writing this in a Los Angeles hotel room with virtually no voice. All my life I've been afraid I'd lose my voice and it never happened. Until now. Last night on television with Petros, I got crushed in our great debate because I couldn't speak loud enough. Right now I'm in the throes of the worst cold ever. (By the way, no one talks about this, but one of the worst things about being a parent of young kids is that one of your kids always has a cold. I mean, always. If your family is big enough then you can pass the entire cold through your family and then repass it back through two weeks later. This is infuriating.)

Michael H. sends us this picture of a Bama fan with magnets on his truck:

"Thought you would enjoy this photo I took in front of an Alabama McDonalds this morning. I think what I love most is that the two magnets don't quite match - meaning they were definitely purchased at separate times. This guy was so happy with the first magnet that he had to go out and get a second one made for child #2. The handy plates are a nice touch too.

May Bama and Kentucky fans never change."

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote this first sentence, which I think is the best in the history of novels, in "One Hundred Years of Solitude:" “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

I mean, that's just f-ing amazing.

The entire book is just as good.

I've always been a big reader -- you think I got this good at dick jokes by accident? -- and back when I was a kid I was told if you like one book an author writes then go back and read everything he's ever written in the order he wrote it. Here would be my all-time top five favorite writers: 1. William Faulkner 2. Cormac McCarthy 3. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez 4. Franklin W. Dixon (I know this was a syndicate of dozens of writers, but I loved the Hardy Boys when I was a kid. Don't even get me started on the tears I shed when Iola Morton got blown up). 5. Ernest Hemingway

Okay, on to the mailbag.  

Latest Articles

The business of college football is being number one in everything. That is why two of the hottest programs decided it would be beneficial to upgrade their football facilities. Alabama and Oregon both unveiled their new improvements this summer and needless to say, both are unbelievable. Since these two teams can't square off on the field yet, we might as well have them compete somehow. Have a look and see which team you think has the nicer digs. 

I Own Lots More Pants Than You

Written by: Clay Travis

I've done lots of ridiculous things in my life.

But buying tens of thousands of dollars in pants and putting them for sale on the Internet is probably the most ridiculous.

There's a moment before every investment when you think, "What the hell am I really doing here?" But when your investment is pants, you definitely pause and think a bit more: "What if nobody buys these pants? What am I going to do with thousands of pairs of college-colored khaki pants?"

And the answer is, for the next three decades you know exactly what you're getting from me for weddings, Christmas, or birthdays. 

Pants!

We also have awesome Outkick the Coverage t-shirts for men and women, but I'm sure these will sell pretty quickly. 

Today ESPN reported that the NCAA is investigating Johnny Manziel for allegedly signing autographs for a Florida autograph dealer.  Now the big question is this, can the NCAA prove that Manziel profited off the sale of those autographs?

ESPN reported as follows:

"The NCAA is investigating whether Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel was paid for signing hundreds of autographs on photos and sports memorabilia in January, "Outside the Lines" has learned. Two sources tell "Outside the Lines" that the Texas A&M quarterback agreed to sign memorabilia in exchange for a five-figure flat fee during his trip to Miami for the Discover BCS National Championship. Both sources said they witnessed the signing, though neither saw the actual exchange of money. Three sources said Manziel signed photographs, footballs, mini football helmets and other items at the request of an autograph broker named Drew Tieman. Two sources, who are aware of the signing arrangement, told "Outside the Lines" that Tieman approached Manziel on Jan. 6, when he landed at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport to attend the game between Alabama and Notre Dame the next day.

After that meeting, three sources said, Manziel, accompanied by his friend and personal assistant Nathan Fitch, visited Tieman's residence and signed hundreds of items in the main room of the apartment despite the fact that there were many people in the room. Before Manziel left South Florida, after taking in the title game, he signed hundreds of autographs more, one source said."

The important detail here is that none of ESPN's sources can prove that Manziel actually received payment for these autographs. Under NCAA rules it isn't enough for Manziel to have merely signed the autographs. The NCAA must prove that Manziel profited off the sale of his autographs. 

The relevant NCAA bylaw that governs this situation is found here:

"12.5.2.1 Advertisements and Promotions After Becoming a Student-Athlete. After becoming a student-athlete, an individual shall not be eligible for participation in intercollegiate athletics if the individual: (a) Accepts any remuneration for or permits the use of his or her name or picture to advertise, recommend or promote directly the sale or use of a commercial product or service of any kind."

Ah, the Friday mailbag is here. And while you're reading this I'll be sitting in a CLE making sure that I get my 15 hours of continuing legal education. The requirement that lawyers get 15 hours of continuing legal education every year is as close to water torture as the legal practice allows.

So it won't be that enjoyable. 

But no matter how bad your week has been, it has probably been better than former Florida Gator and current Philadelphia Eagle Riley Cooper's past several days. We'll dive into his situation in the mailbag below.  

In the meantime, our beaver pelt trader of the week is Memphis quarterback Jacob Karam who played the piano with cancer patients at St. Jude. It's an uplifting video. Watch it, you'll be glad that you did. But just a warning, it might get a bit dusty in your office. 

Now on to the mailbag. 

2013 USA Today Preseason Coaches Poll Released

Written by: Clay Travis

Four weeks from today college football officially begins.

And with the beginning of August comes the preseason coaches poll.  

And it looks a lot like the end of the 2012 poll. 

There are five SEC schools in the top ten. 

Five!

That's ridiculous. 

What would happen if every dumb person in Texas and every dumb NFL fan in the country not rooting for their local team all ended up cheering for the same professional team?

You'd have the Dallas Cowboy fanbase.

Cowboy fans are the most bipolar sports fans in the country. If you walk into a psychiatrist's office dressed in a Troy Aikman jersey, your doctor can just save you the consultation time and give you a Lithium prescription. 

You probably recognize these bipolar fans as the ones that guarantee a Super Bowl performance after a week one win over the Kansas City Chiefs and then immediately follow it up the next week after a loss to the Philadelphia Eagles by pronouncing the team the worst in the history of football. Repeat this process after every week all season long. What's worse, the media actually plays into this obsession, fueling their manic highs and depressing lows with excessive reaction to each game. 

The Cowboys are a perpetually 8-8 team whose fanbase expects them to be 0-16 or 16-0. They're the most average team in the NFL, only their idiot fanbase never realizes this. 

By the end of September if you aren't a Cowboy fan you're ready to strangle them all to death with their Jason Witten jerseys.  

Today Outkick the Coverage begins our countdown of the ten dumbest fan bases in America. I've been writing online and doing sports talk radio for nine years. During that time I've written about every fan base in America. Contrary to what you've been told, all fan bases are not equally dumb. 

Some fan bases are uniquely dumb. 

These are their stories. 

...

When Rocky Top, the insanely popular song your fan base cheers with hearty vibrancy, pays ode to the implied murder of a federal agent intent on stopping you from producing illegal moonshine, you're pretty crazy. 

Tennessee fans occupy a unique and fertile crescent of idiocy -- the central region of the Bermuda Triangle of fan idiocy, where IQ points go to die, Kentucky to Tennessee to Alabama,  is connected by  I-65 -- namely they're like Alabama or Kentucky fans who have suddenly gotten rich in the past twenty years and found distractions to limit their idiocy. That is, while Alabama and Kentucky fans have embarked upon a continued descent into crazy, Tennessee's collective idiocy has declined. In the past fifteen years the Volunteer state has spawned many additional teams for people to root for and the crazy Vol fan has been diluted by the rise of the Tennessee Titans, the Nashville Predators, and the Memphis Grizzlies.

As a general rule, the more teams you have to root for in a given state, the less crazy fans become. The rationale is fairly straightforward, in Alabama you have to be Harvey Updyke crazy in order to stand out. In New York, how crazy does the average Brooklyn Nets fan have to be to stand out as the crazy Nets fan? He just has to have season tickets. 

Combine the sudden upswing in pro sports competition with the odd geography of Tennessee. The state's really three distinct regions, Memphis and west Tennessee, where the Vols aren't that popular in the grand scheme of things, Nashville and middle Tennessee, where the Vols are the most popular college team, but there is ample competition for fan affection, and Knoxville and east Tennessee, where the craziest Vol fans live in the hills, drink moonshine from their own stills, and FedExed feces to Chris Fowler when Peyton Manning lost the Heisman. 

Fowler's feces came with a note -- "Phuck you!," it said. 

This really happened. 

That's mountain damn crazy, and that's why Tennessee is our tenth dumbest fan base in the country.  

I stared across the chess table at my opponent, her dark, cold eyes promising no mercy. Her professionalism and business-like manner indicated that I was just another victim who would quickly be dispatched. I was face-to-face with an eight-year-old girl in a pink Snoopy t-shirt that read “cupcakes forever."

Bama Signee Dee Liner Poses With Wad of Cash

Written by: Clay Travis

Dee Liner, who has perhaps the greatest name in the history of the defensive lineman position, is a four star recruit in the Alabama Crimson Tide's top ranked 2013 class. After initially committing to Auburn, Liner, from Muscle Shoals, Alabama, flipped to the Crimson Tide.

This, as you might imagine, embittered quite a few Auburn fans. 

So as soon as Liner took to instagram to post pictures of himself holding a stack of cash and saying that he never needed to worry about money anymore, well, it set off alarm bells. And immediately blew up my Twitter account and our email inbox.  

Liner is on the far left, in the black shirt.

The other two guys either have their own wads of cash or they're all posing with the same wad of cash. You money detectives can scrutinize the cash.

Who knows how Liner ended up with this cash.  

Maybe he's been working all summer for this amount of cash -- it's not like he's got ten thousand dollars there.  

Maybe he's got a rich relative. After all, the one thing the NCAA can't discipline is rich parents. If your parents are rich there's no such thing as an improper benefit. Ask Johnny Manziel.  

Johnny Manziel is Vincent Chase

Written by: Clay Travis

It's official, Johnny Manziel is Vincent Chase from "Entourage."

Over the weekend Manziel got kicked out of a Texas frat party and wore a Tim Tebow Jets jersey.

This almost broke the Internet.

Over two million people have watched Manziel leaving the Texas frat party. 

Two million!

For a twenty second video.

It's clear now that Manziel's closest comparisons no longer play college football, it's Hollywood. He's Vinnie Chase with the Heisman. Hell, according to my buddy Bruce Feldman, he even has a friend he calls Turtle. (Thanks to David Campbell for the image). 

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