Time to stop pretending you're working and dive into the mailbag.
Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Tim Francis, who Tweets me this, "Mailbag...I am at the hospital, my wife is in labor with our son. How much would you pay us to name him Clay Travis?"
I Tweeted him back that I would pay him $1,000.
That's a decent start on the college fund, right?
For those of you who don't live in Nashville, you're missing out. Time Magazine calls us the hottest city in the country.
Okay, okay on to the mailbag.
You can't stop crazy.
It's an important lesson to remember in the wake of two explosive devices that went off at the Boston Marathon yesterday, killing three people and injuring over a hundred.
That's an awful act perpetrated by an individual or individuals, either foreign or domestic, who are terribly misguided and weak.
But it's also an incredibly aberrant and rare act.
In the long history of American sports, there have been two sports terror attacks -- the 1996 Olympic Park bombing that killed two people and wounded over 100, and yesterday's bombing at the Boston Marathon. Those two attacks are separated by nearly 17 years, flank the 9/11 terrorist attack, and have killed five people combined. (There have been sports terror attacks elsewhere -- most notably Munich in 1972 -- but these are rare also. Time Magazine compiled the ten worst sports terror attacks a few years ago.)
In fact, in the entire world, less than 100 people total have ever been killed by terror attacks at sporting events.
When you consider the size of the crowds and the difficulty of policing audiences of this size, that's simply unbelievable.
Lots of people are understandly shaken by yesterday's event, but over the past hundred years worldwide you've been infinitely more likely to fall to death inside a stadium than you have been to be the victim of terrorism. Alcohol poisoning has killed infinitely more fans. Scores more people have died driving to and from sporting events. Indeed, around 110 people a day die in car accidents in this country, the equivalent of the entire VIetnam War death toll every two years. Amazingly, despite the frequent and massive gatherings of sports fans around the world, attending a sporting event is one of the safest things a large group of people can do in America.
Adam Scott, the man your wife or girlfriend actually wishes she was with instead of you, won the Masters yesterday.
Which is nice.
Because prior to this win all Adam Scott had going for him was that he was a single, multi-millionaire professional golfer from Australia who was ridiculously good looking. Now he's a single, multi-millionaire professional golfer from Australia who's ridiculously good looking with a green jacket.
I think I speak for everyone when I ask this question -- how in the world could he live with himself without that green jacket?
Scott's victory did, however, launch him into the celebrity stratosphere as millions of women around the world suddenly realized that he exists. And they all simultaneously wished they were with him instead of their current husband or boyfriend. If you doubt me, check out this google trend line for "Adam Scott girlfriend" searches on Twitter. Google hasn't updated the searches for "Adam Scott girlfriend" to reflect yesterday's results -- and some of these were probably gay guys -- but last year's British Open, when Scott nearly won the tournament, sent Google search traffic soaring for his girlfriend. Chances are your wife, girlfriend, and all their friends were surreptiously Googling his marital status just in case.
Scott's single, but he's previously dated Ana Ivanovic.
A couple of weeks ago we dove into the porn habits of each SEC state.
The results were wildly popular. You were dirty, dirty birds Kentucky.
Thanks to massive data analysis, the top ten most searched porn terms by state have been compiled here.
Of course we immediately thought about every state in football terms and wondered, which conference is the dirtiest?
So after analyzing the SEC's porn state favorites, what conference makes sense to do next?
The Big Ten, of course.
As the official announcement of the billion dollar SEC Network in partnership with ESPN inches closer and closer, one aspect of the SEC's expansion to add Texas A&M and Missouri -- a decision that was worth over $100 million a year -- has gone unexplored. That's this, does Texas A&M have SEC exclusivity in the state of Texas? This is an important question because the SEC Network's spigot of money will be eye-opening and astounding. The SEC and ESPN are about to make money rain on college athletics in a way that money's never rained on college athletics before.
When you make it rain on college athletics, other schools take notice and want to experience the shower themselves. (Yes, this means colleges are just like strippers.)
Those of you who read OKTC have been nearly two years ahead of the SEC Network narrative. While most fans and media focused on the value of the SEC renegotiating its existing TV deal, we told you that A&M and Missouri represented a new paradigm for the SEC, a network era for the nation's most popular college conference. Expansion to 14 wasn't about extracting more money from ESPN or CBS, it was about getting filthy rich off a brand new network.
Kentucky is Alabama with a winter coat.
This has been my hypothesis for several years, but Louisville's title last night confirmed that I'd been correct all along. Louisville is Kentucky's Auburn, the school with a minority share of a state that's crazy about a single sport. Basketball is to Kentucky as football is to Alabama.
Louisville and Birmingham, the largest cities in both states, are separated by just 367 miles on Interstate 65. The states of Kentucky and Alabama, perpetual laggards in relatively unimportant standings such as education, health, and percentage of residents with college degrees, have chosen to specialize in basketball and football, respectively.
It's what they do.
The similarities between the sporting cultures of Alabama and Kentucky are uncanny -- you have a massive state school that takes up the majority of the rooting interests -- Kentucky and Alabama, spunky state schools that have a vibrant minority of fans -- Louisville and Auburn, nearly identical populations 4.8 million in Alabama vs. 4.4 million in Kentucky, limited population growth from outsiders, and no pro sports in either state.
The states are mirror images of each other, with college sports more popular in their largest markets than in any other cities in the country.