All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mai...

All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked t...

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey

A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DR...

A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police...

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces...

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game

Featured Story

Okay, it's mailbag time.

I'm presently writing this in a Los Angeles hotel room with virtually no voice. All my life I've been afraid I'd lose my voice and it never happened. Until now. Last night on television with Petros, I got crushed in our great debate because I couldn't speak loud enough. Right now I'm in the throes of the worst cold ever. (By the way, no one talks about this, but one of the worst things about being a parent of young kids is that one of your kids always has a cold. I mean, always. If your family is big enough then you can pass the entire cold through your family and then repass it back through two weeks later. This is infuriating.)

Michael H. sends us this picture of a Bama fan with magnets on his truck:

"Thought you would enjoy this photo I took in front of an Alabama McDonalds this morning. I think what I love most is that the two magnets don't quite match - meaning they were definitely purchased at separate times. This guy was so happy with the first magnet that he had to go out and get a second one made for child #2. The handy plates are a nice touch too.

May Bama and Kentucky fans never change."

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote this first sentence, which I think is the best in the history of novels, in "One Hundred Years of Solitude:" “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

I mean, that's just f-ing amazing.

The entire book is just as good.

I've always been a big reader -- you think I got this good at dick jokes by accident? -- and back when I was a kid I was told if you like one book an author writes then go back and read everything he's ever written in the order he wrote it. Here would be my all-time top five favorite writers: 1. William Faulkner 2. Cormac McCarthy 3. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez 4. Franklin W. Dixon (I know this was a syndicate of dozens of writers, but I loved the Hardy Boys when I was a kid. Don't even get me started on the tears I shed when Iola Morton got blown up). 5. Ernest Hemingway

Okay, on to the mailbag.  

Latest Articles

Bobby Petrino's Dad Tries To Get Him Kentucky Job

Written by: Clay Travis

Bobby Petrino needs a job.

Badly.

And like a lot of y'all out there who went back home to live with mom and dad during the bad economy, Petrino went to hang out at his parent's house for several weeks in October. While there he went on hikes with mom and watched football with dad. Now his dad has talked to a local Kentucky newspaper and his message is simple -- give my kid the Kentucky job.

“I just know this, that he’s interested in Kentucky,” his dad said, sounding like your own dad when you were unemployed. “He wants to stay in the SEC. That was his life’s goal was to go to the SEC.”

So now the first question becomes, is Kentucky willing to give him the job?

Lane Kiffin is at it again.

The man who has made cheating, both large and small, an art form, is now embroiled in another ridiculous scandal, this one about the proper inflation of the USC team balls, the ones his offense used in last week's game against Oregon. Why would the balls be less than fully inflated? Because it makes them easier to throw and catch. Caught red-balled by Pac12 officials, USC conducted an investigation and found the following: "The student manager confirmed that he had, without the knowledge of, or instruction from, any USC student-athlete, coach, staff member or administrator, deflated those game balls after they had been tested and approved by officials prior to the game."

By Loren Sanders

I’m on a flight from Minneapolis to Anchorage. Knowing I have only an iPod to accompany the Sky Mall catalog, I felt immense pressure to sleep. Then the flight attendant announced wifi was available on the plane – fantastic – but only until we reached Canadian airspace. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this flight, Canadian airspace is 45 minutes from Minneapolis.

Earlier this morning I tweeted y'all the heartbreaking story of Mark Richt's hip injury. It seems that he severely injured himself while trying to impress his wife with how high he could swing on a swing set. While most of us gave up this past-time in second, third, or fourth grade -- there was no greater elementary school playground move than the high swing coupled with the jump off to a stuck landing -- Richt kept it up into his thirties. (Richt claims that the injury happened in his twenties, but I'm siding with the wife here).

The Atlanta-Journal Constitution reported that Richt's injury occurred thusly:

“I was swinging really high on a big heavy swing set with those big heavy chains. Sometimes if you go super high, on the way back you get a little bit of that lag. You’ve got those big S-hooks on top, and you’re swinging, and I swung enough to where the one on the left came out. So it comes out, but I didn’t know. I’m still on the swing. So when I come back down, the chain on [on the right] stayed taut and the other one just goes. I turned sideways and the first thing that hits the ground is my left hip. Just smashed it.

“It was traumatic. I mean, when I hit I was like, ‘I think I broke it.’ I couldn’t hardly breathe. Sometimes with an injury like that you get a full-body sweat and a little nauseous. But the pain kind of went away and I went about my business, until about a year and a half ago.”

Now that the story has gone viral, Richt took to the dry-erase board to draw a diagram of the swing -- alongside his offensive and defensive formations on the dry-erase board -- to better convey exactly how the great playground spill of his thirties occurred.

And it's pretty outstanding to watch.

Thanks to Jonathan Branch for posting the video and the picture on Twitter, and for Twitter follower @ulikabbq for passing this along to us. You can watch the video below. The sound improves as the video lengthens. But Richt's diligence on the swing picture is really quite impressive even minus the sound. Without this drawing it would have been virtually impossible for me to picture what a swingset might have looked like.

As any real football fan will tell you, wardrobe selection on game day is of utmost importance. The clothes you choose must show your excitement about the game, your pride in your team, and in some cases, your dislike of their opponent.

Things are bad on the Plains.

Auburn can't beat anyone. Jonna Chizik has blamed the devil for Auburn's losses. No one even bothers to go to the games anymore. Even Cam Newton's bag man is giving away his tickets. No one is all in.

Did the Tigers play "All I Do Is Win," on the jumbotron after the New Mexico State game?

Just curious.  

As the Tigers limp toward a road game in the Iron Bowl, it's likely that the win differential between 11-0 Bama and 3-8 Auburn will be the greatest since 1950.

Yep, the vast majority of the people who go to the Iron Bowl this year will have never been to a bigger rivalry mismatch in their lives.  

Alabama Fan's Legs Are Tide Fans Too

Written by: Clay Travis

Most of us aren't concerned with ensuring that if we wear shorts and someone is walking behind us that they know which team we root for.

Then again, most of us aren't Bama fans.

Meet our newest awkward fan photo to star a Bama fan.

This picture was snapped by Nashville singer/songwriter Ellie Holcomb at the Nashville Flea Market. She forwarded it to me a couple of days ago and it made my day.

Now it's making yours.

By Craig Hayes

I took a rare sick day this week after a brief bout with the flu. I've been lucky with my health over the years, and I don’t take many vacations, so it is rare for me to be home on a weekday. Since I was too groggy from a fever to read, I channel surfed for a while until I came across an old, familiar sight on ESPN Classic. There he was on the TV, and I felt like I was 12 years old again.

Last week our buddy Paul Bessire stopped by OKTC to shed some statistical light on the odds that Alabama, Kansas State, Oregon, and Notre Dame would all finish undefeated.

The odds were very low.

Then Notre Dame squeaked by Pitt in triple overtime, Alabama scored a touchdown with under a minute to play at LSU, Oregon outlasted USC, and Kansas State triumphed pulling away.

Suddenly the odds of a four-way undefeated mess have grown quite a bit, from around 1 percent to seven percent. Still not very good, but increasing rapidly.

What do Paul's odds suggest? Try this.

Every four years we all become "experts" in the oft forgotten political realm, bandwagoneers if you will. Party lines aren't drawn by institutional ties or by your college football allegiance but rather by the compulsion to actually feel involved in our civic duty. Just like the popularity polls in college football, everyone has their own criteria for amassing polling data used to forecast a winner. As a man who lives by the power of numbers, popular opinion rarely resonates in my decision making process. Empirical evidence exists to predict the winner of today's election long before it becomes official. If the betting parlors in far away places taking action on today's vote are any indication, our president for the next four years has already been determined.

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