All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mai...

All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked t...

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey

A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DR...

A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
Should Tallahassee Police...

Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
Johnny Manziel Introduces...

Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game

Featured Story

Okay, it's mailbag time.

I'm presently writing this in a Los Angeles hotel room with virtually no voice. All my life I've been afraid I'd lose my voice and it never happened. Until now. Last night on television with Petros, I got crushed in our great debate because I couldn't speak loud enough. Right now I'm in the throes of the worst cold ever. (By the way, no one talks about this, but one of the worst things about being a parent of young kids is that one of your kids always has a cold. I mean, always. If your family is big enough then you can pass the entire cold through your family and then repass it back through two weeks later. This is infuriating.)

Michael H. sends us this picture of a Bama fan with magnets on his truck:

"Thought you would enjoy this photo I took in front of an Alabama McDonalds this morning. I think what I love most is that the two magnets don't quite match - meaning they were definitely purchased at separate times. This guy was so happy with the first magnet that he had to go out and get a second one made for child #2. The handy plates are a nice touch too.

May Bama and Kentucky fans never change."

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote this first sentence, which I think is the best in the history of novels, in "One Hundred Years of Solitude:" “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

I mean, that's just f-ing amazing.

The entire book is just as good.

I've always been a big reader -- you think I got this good at dick jokes by accident? -- and back when I was a kid I was told if you like one book an author writes then go back and read everything he's ever written in the order he wrote it. Here would be my all-time top five favorite writers: 1. William Faulkner 2. Cormac McCarthy 3. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez 4. Franklin W. Dixon (I know this was a syndicate of dozens of writers, but I loved the Hardy Boys when I was a kid. Don't even get me started on the tears I shed when Iola Morton got blown up). 5. Ernest Hemingway

Okay, on to the mailbag.  

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Dixieland Delight: Texas A&M (Part One)

Written by: Clay Travis

It's still pitch black at six on an October morning in Houston.

The lobby of the Hotel ZaZa, near Rice University's campus in Houston's museum district, is completely empty except for one girl, a former sorority sister at Texas A&M named Natalie, who is wearing a maroon skirt and sitting alongside a cooler full of liquor.

It's five hours until kickoff and there isn't a yell to be heard anywhere, but the biggest home game of the SEC era at A&M has already begun before dawn.

Six of us climb inside a waiting limo -- rented by Houston plaintiff's attorney Kerry Guidry -- who emailed us on Friday at noon and said. "We're drinking on the patio, come hang out. Plaintiff's attorney's in Houston don't work on Friday's." -- and embark on our journey to College Station. 

Shortly after our departure, Natalie and Lauren, sorority sisters from A&M, have opened a bottle of champagne and mixed it with orange juice.

We're all drinking from wine glasses as we roll through the silent streets of Houston.

Since the sun hasn't come up it's almost like the night hasn't ended, that we're topping off the evening with a football game.

But then a problem arises. 

We have no beer.  

Last week OKTC told you that the reason LSU at Texas A&M was kicking off at 11 in the morning was to protect the Baylor-Texas rating on ABC.

The Baylor at Texas game on ABC -- featuring multiple plugs for the Longhorn Network no less -- kicked off at seven central time.

The LSU at Texas A&M game should have kicked off at six at night if ESPN was scheduling its primetime SEC game correctly. 

Instead, ESPN protected the Texas television rating by avoiding putting A&M on at the same time.  

The rationale was simple, if Texas and Texas A&M aired at the same time, one on ABC the other on ESPN, ratings would have been lower for the Texas game. Why? Because even Longhorn fans would rather watch A&M and LSU play.

So ESPN put Alabama at Tennessee in primetime instead, even though it was a vastly inferior game.  

Now the numbers are in and, guess what, I was right, the nation preferred LSU-A&M. 

Is Jon Gruden UT's Nick Saban?

Written by: Clay Travis

If Derek Dooley's Vols lose at South Carolina this weekend, his tenure as Tennessee coach will come to a merciful close. That's because like Johnny Majors and Phil Fulmer before him, Dooley will be fired after a South Carolina loss and allowed to coach out the remainder of the season. The Vols would still have a decent chance of finishing with four straight wins -- although I doubt they would -- and rather than allow optimism to build over beating mediocre teams, I suspect Dave Hart will elect to end the Dooley era.   

Presently Dooley has posted a 4-16 SEC record, having gone just 1-11 in his last 12 SEC games. So far Dooley's wins are Vanderbilt twice, Ole Miss once, and Kentucky once. (Dooley also lost to Kentucky the other time, meaning that the Vols have won a single SEC game in nearly two years, an overtime win against Vanderbilt). If you think that sounds bad, it can get worse, Lane Kiffin won the same number of SEC games in his lone season as head coach, four, as Dooley has in three years for the Vols. Meanwhile, Phil Fulmer, the national championship winning coach who was fired at Tennessee in 2008, won three games SEC games in his final season, seven the year before in 2007.

So Fulmer won ten games in his final two seasons at Tennessee. In the four years since he left the Vols have won eight.

The Derek Dooley era at Tennessee is officially over barring a win at South Carolina.

If Dooley loses to South Carolina, I think Dave Hart will fire him on Sunday night or Monday morning. I'll write on UT's candidates in greater detail later this week -- Jon Gruden is still target number one -- but Dooley will follow Johnny Majors and Phil Fulmer, both of whom were fired in the wake of a road loss at South Carolina.

I was on the sideline with UT during the 2008 South Carolina game

In fact, the similarities between 2008 and 2012 are jarring. In 2008 Tennessee had a great defense and an awful offense under new first year coordinator Dave Clawson. Game after game the Vols failed to produce any offense and ultimately Fulmer's selection of Clawson cost him his job. The same is likely to be true for Dooley, except it was his selection and promotion of Alabama's former linebacker coach, Sal Sunseri, that will spell Dooley's demise.

How bad has it been for the Vols on defense through the first four SEC games?

The Vols are giving up 43.25 points per game, that number would rank 119 of 120 FBS defenses. (Including out of conference games, the Vols are a robust 96th).

Before we hit the panic button on a scenario where 3 power conference teams finish undefeated, take a deep breath to realize there's still a ton of football left to be played.  To help restore the peace, here are the odds of each team finishing unbeaten given their remaining schedule.

Week two of the BCS standing are here and it's beginning to look like the final two years of the BCS won't end without controversy.

Why is that?

Because Oregon and Kansas State will be substantial favorites for their remaining five regular season games each. Kansas State will be substantial favorites over Texas Tech, Oklahoma State, at TCU, at Baylor, and to close out the season at home against Texas. With no Big 12 title game, we're just five games from Kansas State finishing undefeated. Meanwhile, Oregon has a tougher road, playing Colorado, USC, Cal, Stanford, and Oregon State before probably playing USC again in the BCS title game. 

In fact, in the scenario that will leave SEC fans up at night, what if a one-loss SEC champ gets bumped from the title game by undefeated Oregon and Kansas State. 

Is it really that unbelievable?

(Note: I'm assuming that Notre Dame will lose to either Oklahoma or USC -- actually I think both -- to knock one of the unbeatens out of the mix). 

By Eric Taylor

I never knew how big an Alabama football fan I was until I moved to Tennessee.

SEC Releases 2013 Football Schedule

Written by: Clay Travis

Today the SEC released the 2013 football schedule.

You can find that schedule here, and we've also replicated it below and added some early commentary.

Here goes with the seven non-rival cross division games, which are really the only games that can fluctuate now:

Florida gets Arkansas

Georgia gets LSU

Kentucky gets Alabama

Ole Miss gets Mizzou

Mississippi State gets South Carolina

Tennessee gets Auburn

Texas A&M gets Vandy

The biggest news is that all constant division rivals remain the same for 2013, Mizzou keeps Texas A&M and South Carolina and Arkansas stay together. There was talk as late as yesterday that these games could change for 2013.

 All the games are below, broken up by week and by individual teams.

By the time you read this I'll be in the air on my way to Houston.

I've got my wife and two other couples in tow -- including one A&M grad to show us around -- and we'll be waking up at dawn on Saturday to head over for the LSU-Texas A&M game. We have a tailgate set up for the game, but I'll Tweet out our location so I can meet up with as many of you who want to come by and say hi.

I can't wait.

Everything but the kickoff time should be outstanding.

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Johnny Manziel because his performance so far this season has been otherworldly.

Now let's dive into All That and a Bag of Mail.

Pointspread Dominance: Alabama Still Chasing USC

Written by: Todd Fuhrman

Most dominant college football team is a subjective argument. Each season a team gets off to a hot start and we’re ready to call them the greatest thing since sliced bread. However, there is one constant to gauge relative strength to the competitive set; the vegas pointspread.

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