All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition
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All That and a Bag of Mail: Men Peeing in the Shower Edition

Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
Kentucky Fan Gets Asked to Prom Via Jersey
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A GLOSSARY FOR THE NFL DRAFT
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Should Tallahassee Police Get a National Title Ring?
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Johnny Manziel Introduces New Lady Friend At Rangers Game
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Featured Story

Okay, it's mailbag time.

I'm presently writing this in a Los Angeles hotel room with virtually no voice. All my life I've been afraid I'd lose my voice and it never happened. Until now. Last night on television with Petros, I got crushed in our great debate because I couldn't speak loud enough. Right now I'm in the throes of the worst cold ever. (By the way, no one talks about this, but one of the worst things about being a parent of young kids is that one of your kids always has a cold. I mean, always. If your family is big enough then you can pass the entire cold through your family and then repass it back through two weeks later. This is infuriating.)

Michael H. sends us this picture of a Bama fan with magnets on his truck:

"Thought you would enjoy this photo I took in front of an Alabama McDonalds this morning. I think what I love most is that the two magnets don't quite match - meaning they were definitely purchased at separate times. This guy was so happy with the first magnet that he had to go out and get a second one made for child #2. The handy plates are a nice touch too.

May Bama and Kentucky fans never change."

Our beaver pelt trader of the week is Gabriel Garcia Marquez, who wrote this first sentence, which I think is the best in the history of novels, in "One Hundred Years of Solitude:" “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.”

I mean, that's just f-ing amazing.

The entire book is just as good.

I've always been a big reader -- you think I got this good at dick jokes by accident? -- and back when I was a kid I was told if you like one book an author writes then go back and read everything he's ever written in the order he wrote it. Here would be my all-time top five favorite writers: 1. William Faulkner 2. Cormac McCarthy 3. Gabriel Garcia-Marquez 4. Franklin W. Dixon (I know this was a syndicate of dozens of writers, but I loved the Hardy Boys when I was a kid. Don't even get me started on the tears I shed when Iola Morton got blown up). 5. Ernest Hemingway

Okay, on to the mailbag.  

Latest Articles

Today Charles Barkley stopped by Roundtable Radio, the midday show on Birmingham's powerful WJOX station, to discuss the state of Auburn football.

And, not surprisingly, Barkley didn't pull many punches.

He began the segment with a comment about Auburn basketball, "Never thought you'd hear those words, can't wait for Auburn basketball."

Barkley discussed the upcoming Auburn-Alabama game, "I canceled my trip to the Iron Bowl. I'm not going down there to see that massacre."

Asked by host Lance Taylor if he would take Auburn +31?

"If they're giving Auburn 31, I've got Auburn in that game. Do you know what the money line on that game would be? I'd have to be really drunk to take the money line on that one."

Notwithstanding his decision not to go to the Iron Bowl, Barkley took issue with Pat Dye's comments that he didn't see Auburn having a chance to win upcoming games.

"I'm going to stick with Auburn no matter what, but I would never say we didn't have a chance."

By Cody Knight

An old coach once said, "you're never as good as you think you are." SEC fans, the media, and coaches could all learn something from that statement.

Ah, Gallette's in Tuscaloosa.

One of the best college bars in America.

The place where generations of Bama students have gotten together to drink beers, celebrate wins, and make college memories. 

I love Gallette's, every time I've ever been I've had a great time. At least for the times I can remember being there. 

You know the only way Gallette's could possibly be better?

If you're Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron, your team is ranked number one in the country, and you've just beaten the brains out of yet another SEC foe. 

What We Learned and What We Should Expect

Written by: Todd Fuhrman

When you haven't sorted out the aftermath of another crazy college football weekend, it's already time to start looking ahead. Gaining perspective on what unfolded the previous Saturday gives us a glimpse of what we can expect moving forward. This time of year the travel, scheduling situations, and letdown spots all play a role in impacting the landscape.

At some point during Saturday night's game, even the most ardent Tennessee Vol supporter had to laugh.

I mean, Dooley is coaching inside the press box because he has a broken hip and occasionally the camera catches him leaned back in his chair so all we can see is his hair? This really happened.

Then, of all people, Matt Millen, perhaps the least successsful NFL executive of all time, is sitting next to Dooley calling the game, only Millen's view is obscured by blinds.

They put up blinds between the coach's box and the television booth.

The first BCS standings of 2012 look awfully familiar to the last BCS standings of 2012.

The SEC has the first two spots, Alabama is number one and Florida is number two.

Four of the top seven are SEC teams and LSU, significantly, is the highest rated one-loss team. Meaning that the Bayou Bengals, even with a loss at Florida, still would likely play for the national title if they won every game remaining on their schedule.

Looking at these rankings the same is probably true for South Carolina.

Yep, there's a very real chance of an all-SEC BCS title again.

In the meantime, the SEC has six of the top 12 teams in college football.

Which is just insane.

When the SEC schedule came out, I immediately scanned Texas A&M's home schedule to decide which game I should attend for my first ever trip to College Station. My criteria was simple, I wanted to go for the biggest SEC game possible. 

Why?

Because the biggest SEC game possible never, ever starts before 2:30 central. By looking at the SEC schedule I knew that barring complete implosion by both teams the LSU-A&M game would be either the national CBS game or a night game on ESPN.

What I wanted to avoid at all costs was an early kickoff game, the dreaded 11 am central tilt that drains all excitement, kills all fun, and leaves everyone waking at pre-dawn hours.

Put simply, I wanted to have a hell of a good time tailgating. Especially since, like just about everybody else, I'd be driving into College Station from a substantial distance away, in my case, downtown Houston.

Yesterday the state of Mississippi put on an early Halloween costume -- the coaching grim reaper.

Gene Chizik's Auburn team rolled into Oxford and lost by 21, then later that same evening Derek Dooley's Vols hit Starkville and lost by ten. Both losses solidified the fates of Gene Chizik and Derek Dooley, barring an unexpected and massive upset by either coach's team -- which is about as likely as an asteroid striking the earth -- each man will be unemployed by December.

Potentially sooner.

Yep, it's time to hang up the orange pants and the leather jacket for good.

Auburn and Tennessee are two of the top jobs in the country. Both schools have massive athletic departments, fan bases, and stadiums. In each school the football team is the engine of commerce that fuels all additional team sports.  

I hate the Steelers with the all-encompassing and penetrating fury of a thousand suns shining at once.

So, yeah,  last night's Rob Bironas kick on the final play of the game was extremely gratifying.

26-23 Titans, bang.

The win was almost as gratifying as our beaver pelt traders of the week, the Tennessee Titan cheerleaders and their breast cancer awareness t-shirts.

What better way to show football fans how important protecting boobs is than by clothing some of the best boobs in America in tight pink t-shirts?

Yep, our beaver pelt traders of the week are the Titans cheerleaders, like Tiffany, who kindly posted this pic of the cheerleaders in their outfits.

Okay, this is pretty cool.

The guys over at Daily Joust have set up an Outkick the Coverage tournament featuring this week's top ten college football games. I picked the ten games, it's all the SEC games plus the biggest national games of the weekend -- Notre Dame at Stanford, West Virginia at Texas Tech, and Texas vs. Oklahoma.

The challenge is pretty simple, how good of a team can you build with $1 million to spend on talent?

Every player is assigned a value and you have to decide how to allocate your resources.

Basically, pretend you're Auburn before the Cam Newton investigation.

So here's my team:

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