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The Bachelor Season 18 Guide

Written by: CippyWallace

By Cippy Wallace

This is your annual OKTC guide to understanding The Bachelor, and consequently, women in general. I will be recapping the bachelor each week until the final episode where TRUE LOVE is revealed. Let's dig in. First, the cast. 

 

 

By Owen Driskill 

Verne Lundquist’s voice filled the cavernous underground chamber as the video played on the theater screen. “Chris Davis! No flags! Touchdown Auburn! An answered prayer!” “End replay,” Nick Saban said. 

Two years ago I wrote a piece for this site speculating about the motivations behind that infamous April incident in the Ozarks involving the head coach, the former volleyball player, and the motorcycle.

By Loren Sanders

Maybe you’re not a degenerate gambler. But are you really going to let that prevent you from forcing a coworker to call everyone “Hoss” based on the outcome of a sporting event?  I’ve worked in a cube for a few years now, and that feels weird to admit. Regardless, it has given me a pretty good perspective on what is socially acceptable within the context of a professional environment.

By Claire Cunningham

I have lived in several different cities, but one thing always stays the same: guys everywhere are absolutely terrible at picking up girls. I could literally write for hours on it, which I probably will at some point, but here are just a few lines that girls hate to hear.

By Matt Knipe

Most of my family grew up in Florida and are huge Florida State fans (despite only my dad attending the university). I grew up loving Florida State before becoming an Aggie. I've been rooting for the Noles this year, but I believe that hands down Johnny deserves the Heisman again.

By Loren Sanders

Prior to the 2013 football season, the NCAA ruled that a former Marine, Sergeant Steven Rhodes, was ineligible to play for MTSU because he had played backyard football while enlisted. They decided that he would have an advantage over other college freshman because he had played in games where the teams wore uniforms and the score was kept. Guess what, everybody wore uniforms where Sergeant Rhodes was. Because, after the games, he and his teammates went back to putting their lives on the line for our country.

By Owen Driskill   

Tennessee’s game against Missouri Saturday reminded me of the day I almost saved Derek Dooley’s job with a phone call, an act that, according to the many-worlds theory, means a universe exists where Dooley is wearing orange pants this season.

 

That unsettling possibility exists because of the one time every 20 years I break out of my fan cocoon.

The Missouri Letdown

Written by: ScoopJardyn

By @ScoopJardyn  

I tried explaining the “Missouri Letdown” to my father two weeks ago, after the Tigers beat the Florida Gators handily and gained long-awaited recognition with a #5 spot in the BCS polls.  

The Legend of Connor Shaw

Written by: aodaniel

By Adam O’Daniel

The little old church lady walks up the brick steps on a cold and sunny late October Sunday morning in South Carolina. She’s dressed in dark slacks, checked coat and scarf. She clutches her pocketbook and Holy Bible. She smiles at the deacon holding the door and takes his hand. “That Connor Shaw,” she cracks. “Ain’t he somethin’?”

 

By Adam O’Daniel

The fine state of South Carolina takes great pride in its contributions to this nation.   Myrtle Beach. The Peachoid. Darius Rucker. The Civil War.    You’re welcome, America.    But The Palmetto State has failed to produce anything meaningful in football in more than 30 years. This fact blossomed last Saturday as South Carolina earned the distinction of being the only state to proudly send TWO top 12 teams into the slaughterhouse that was college football.  

 

Howdy, all. If you haven’t seen this column before, this is where you’ll find out which teams have played the best against the best. I can tell you this by looking at the results of my college football power ranking model, which I’ve been designing over the past five years. If you want the details of how the model works, go to my site and click on the “How it Works” page.

 

Clay Travis made my week with the dual posting of the musings of Ole Miss hottie Shelby Claire and the Johnny Manziel Halloween costume vote.  This vote could be the best thing for the internet since, well, ever, but we need to keep in mind the potential blowback on Johnny and the Aggies based on the vote.

While the suggestions of Johnny dressing up as a Sharpie, a $100 bill, or as Johnny Hancock may appeal to our collective sense of sticking it to the man, I'm not sure that Coach Sumlin, Big Daddy John Sharp, Johnny's parents (or lawyers), or the NCAA will appreciate the irony.

By Brandon Priddy

Last fall I submitted It’s Just One Big Game Of Throne Y’all to Outkick and was shocked at the positive response. I had mostly written it to amuse myself and a couple buddies and sent it in on a whim.

Highest entertainment value: Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M

How do you start any list of the top college football QBs without Johnny Football? He is the never-ending, twitter-spawned, hype machine that is enveloping the country. The craziest thing about him is he’s not even playing the same sport as everyone else! Seriously, what percentage of pass plays does he run that actually pan-out how they’re designed? 17% sound like a good scientific number. He is out there playing Three Flies Up, or maybe Red Rover, and possibly Kill the Pill all at the same time. And that is just what he does on the field. His off the field transgressions, if you can even call them that, add more flair to the ridiculous stuff he does on the field. Watching Manziel tear teams apart is like watching Jackie Chan Drunken Master his way through the UFC. It is ridiculous and maddening, but you just can’t look away. 

A day is coming when college football will be threatened -- by your kid's birthday party. Don't get me wrong. I love my 3-year-old son. He's more than I will ever deserve. But his birthday is in October. And when you're a college football-addicted Southerner, that causes problems.  Get over it, you say. It's one Saturday. True. But he has friends. And they have fall birthdays. And mamas view birthday parties like their own weddings. You're not getting out of it.

Since Phillip Fulmer was forced out of Knoxville, the University of Tennessee's fanbase has swallowed some of the most painful defeats in the program's history.

Sacrificing Fridays for Saturdays

Written by: Sanders

By Loren Sanders

Relationships are about compromise and problem solving. My brother and I could have fought over space in the car on long road trips, but we chose to build a wall of pillows and other paraphernalia between us in the backseat. Parents occasionally have to compromise with their children in the grocery store, if for nothing else than to just avoid one more meltdown in the cereal aisle. And, finally, men compromise with their wives or girlfriends by generally giving them whatever they want in all situations. But it’s football season. And we need our Saturdays. 

Let Erin Andrews Be Erin Andrews

Written by: TJ Hatter

Let me be among the many to commend Erin Andrews for her smart response to the Senseless Notion That Women Don't Know College Football.

SEC visitors guide to Aggieland

Written by: jemclean

By Jimmy Mclean

This is a guide for your visit to College Station. I am specially qualified to give this advice because I did my undergraduate studies at The University of Alabama then received my Master's from Texas A&M, was raised by two Aggies and am now engaged to one.

Nashville: A Sporting Resume

Written by: upthetrack

By Mike Dorr

What you are about to read below is biased, in the way that a job resume is biased toward painting the candidate in the best possible light. It is not intended to say that your city is not, in fact, the center of the sports universe. It will just highlight a few unique reason why mine might grow in its importance. Your objections are noted.

By Craig Hayes

When you're single and a football fan, gambling is typically as much a part of your football Sundays as setting your fantasy lineup and drinking. Whether you are the high rolling type who takes in a full Sunday at the Caeser's Sport's book in Vegas, have an on-line acount with some Costa Rican Website, or have an "arrangement" with a local bookie, putting money on the games is just as important as rooting for your favorite team, and for many fans, it's more important.

With Clay’s recent purchase of a few thousand pairs of pants to launch OutkickGear.com, the site’s partnership with Fox Sports, and Clay’s new gig on the Fox Sports 1 college football game day show, it’s fair to surmise (albeit incorrectly) that OKTC has become a worldwide multiplatform, multimedia conglomerate. However, as Clay has made clear over the years, he doesn’t have the looks (or fashion sense) to be the face of such a rapidly growing empire.

By Clark Amundson

I admire people from Minnesota. With the exception of the psycho Viking fans still pissed about the 1998 NFC Championship Game, Minnesota’s people are incredibly nice. This in spite of the bone cracking cold they live in roughly 95.8% of the year. 

The business of college football is being number one in everything. That is why two of the hottest programs decided it would be beneficial to upgrade their football facilities. Alabama and Oregon both unveiled their new improvements this summer and needless to say, both are unbelievable. Since these two teams can't square off on the field yet, we might as well have them compete somehow. Have a look and see which team you think has the nicer digs. 

Tiny Killer Competitors

Written by: Kyoung

I stared across the chess table at my opponent, her dark, cold eyes promising no mercy. Her professionalism and business-like manner indicated that I was just another victim who would quickly be dispatched. I was face-to-face with an eight-year-old girl in a pink Snoopy t-shirt that read “cupcakes forever."

The Big12 Psychiatric Preview

Written by: TreyHimself

By @TreyHimself

This preview is not concerned with X’s & O’s or talent. It is going to predict the standings of the Big 12 based on the mental health of each Big 12 team with a focus on the head coach. DISCLAIMER: I am not a psychiatrist.  

by P. Joseph Donovan Second best isn’t that bad. It gets you a silver medal (the Olympics), a BJ (sex), or $67 billion (Bill Gates). In College Football, second place gets you a sizeable slice of what is now the second most popular sport in America. That’s actually kind of zen, now that I think about it.    The SEC is the consensus number one football conference in America; that much should be clear. In the past seven years the SEC has won seven National Championships. In 2013 the SEC recorded 63 total draft picks, including 12 in the first round. The SEC West tied the ACC for second place with 31 draft picks. The SEC had four teams with eight or more picks (Alabama, Florida, Georgia, and LSU). By comparison, the "well-balanced" Big 12 had only 22 players drafted- fewer than the top three SEC teams.  “But wait, eight of the ten Big 12 Teams [pause for laughter] went to a bowl game!”   First of all, nobody cares about bowl games. The “Beef-O’Brady Bowl” sounds like an experimental sex-move you would try on a fat chick just to see if she would let you. Second, let’s indulge Big Game Bob for a moment and compare apples to apples. How do the bottom six SEC teams stack up against the bottom six Big 12 teams in the NFL draft? Well, predictably, the SEC had 33% more players drafted than the Big 12 did (12 from the SEC compared to 9 from the Big 12). The NFL also drafted far more elite players from the "weak" SEC schools. The bottom of the SEC produced seven players that went in the first three rounds: two 1st rounders, one 2nd rounder, and four 3rd rounders.  Meanwhile, the bottom of the Big 12 produced only four such players: one 1 first rounder, 1 second rounder, and 2 third rounders.  So while the top of the SEC utterly annihilated the top of the Big 12 (producing far more draft picks than the entire Big 12 combined), the bottom of the SEC merely dominated the bottom of the Big 12.

But yeah, it’s just propaganda, Bob Stoops.

(originally published 9/13/12)

My Facebook news feed is good for two things:

1)   Arguments about politics.

2)   Arguments about college football.

Written by Brandon Priddy

(Originally published 8/28/2012)

On Thursday night Vanderbilt will open their 122nd season of football in front of a sellout crowd and national TV audience. It will be an outstanding environment for college football, something that is unfortunately unique in the recent history of the Commodores. Often those stands have been half-full and sometimes less. But always among that crowd, whatever the size, has been Song Michael Han. He's cheering on his 'Dores, high-fiving strangers and making new friends in every section.

Tips for Dating an SEC Chick

Written by: taracarney

By Tara Carney  

(Originally published 12/28/2012)

It's not gay if it's Kliff Kingsbury. For my purposes, let me amend this: It's not a mythical mystery if it's not Shirtless Kliff Kingsbury. 

SEC chicks have a hard time. In 2012, men still don't take female fandom seriously. In our nation, where over 50% of college graduates are female, men -- and I'm talking to you FBS guys, Ohio State fans included -- fail to view women as fan equals.

Death to the Wonderlic

Written by: BPriddy

By Brandon Priddy

The Wonderlic needs to die, and Clay has unwittingly shown us exactly why we need to kill it. His notion that making scores public would be of any service to these kids or anyone else is way off base – here’s why. 

By Josh Lampley

When I first moved on to the campus of the large SEC school that I attend, I was excited for many reasons. I looked forward to new freedoms, new females, new friends, and SEC football. Those were my four "F's". But one aspect of the college life that I never took into account was the fact that the same star athletes I would watch on the field on Saturdays would be in my classes during the week.

Rick Pitino: From Taboo to Tattoos

Written by: Bungashick

By Brett Ungashick

In the last week we have seen quite different approaches to connecting with collegiate athletes. On one end of the spectrum was Mike Rice who attempted to inspire players by throwing basketballs at their heads and calling them "f***ing f***ots." There's not a whole lot to add to the Rutgers situation that hasn't already been said. Yes, the school administrators predictably protected the profits over the people who were producing them. Yes, Mike Rice is certainly not the only coach in the country who has abused his free laborers. Additionally, the most embarrassing part of the situation is that had Rutgers done better than 15-16, and been a perennial tournament team, Rice would still have a future in coaching. Winning takes care of everything. Don't believe me and Tiger? Bob Knight, the original Mike Rice, is a public face of ESPN and even amidst the Rutgers outrage, Knight was able to appear in a commercial during the championship game. 

By Mike McCall

Perhaps the saddest part of college sports — beyond the athletes being trapped in serfdom, the cheapening of higher education and the hypocrisy of the NCAA — is that the people most upset by the system, the players and fans, have the power to change it and won’t.

By Nick Pritchard

The following is an all too real conversation between my group of friends:

Scenarios 1 and 2: 

BC: Suppose one of us could play running back on Dan’s middle school football team. Would we score every time we touched the ball?

BG: Yes. Are you really asking if a decently in shape 28 year old man could run over 13 year old children? Let me ask you another question. Does Dylan Moses play for Dan’s team?

BC: No

by Christian Wick

The NHLPA and the Board of Governors have approved NHL Realignment for the 2013-14 season. Below is the map of what it looks like according to NHL.com   

The wisdom of the NHL strikes again. I'm willing to bet most elementary kids who have no knowledge or interest in the NHL would look at this funny.  Who do we have to blame for this? Atlanta. Yep, good ole ATL. The worst sports city in America couldn't hold on to the Atlanta Thrashers (now the Winnipeg Jets). The NHL got its Eskimo panties in a wad and re-aligned to cater to another Canadian team. [This is actually the second team Atlanta has lost - the Atlanta Flames moved to Calgary in 1980.]

By Mike Dorr

The 139th running of the Kentucky Derby is just a month away, a two-minute thoroughbred horse race that is the crowning celebration of the best six weeks of sport that America has to offer. The first half of spring brings March Madness and the Masters, baseball’s Opening Day, and the NFL draft. The NBA and Stanley Cup playoffs begin. And in Louisville, Kentucky, twenty three-year-olds will line up with 2500 pounds of jockeys, $120 million in legal wagers, and the hopes and dreams of thousands riding on their backs.  

Fatal Flaws: NCAA Tournament Edition

Written by: Bungashick

By Brett Ungashick 

Every fan base is using this four day dead zone before the Sweet 16 to convince themselves that their team has what it takes to win the title. Let’s put a damper on those hopes before your team chokes away a game they shouldn’t have lost to an inferior opponent, and you start ending lifelong relationships because BleacherReport gave you the “5 Reasons Your Team Is Never Going To Lose Again.”

By Will Barry

As a loyal follower of OKTC, at times I admire Clay Travis and at others abhor him. So when a bull penner posted reasons to both love and hate him, I completely agreed. Except I realized that I loved him and hated him for the exact opposite reasons…and I think at least a few people will agree.

By Brett Ungashick

In the lead up to the tournament, I kept hearing about Tom Izzo's teams. Pundits described how they always "play the right way" and "win their one-on-one match-ups" and lavished a hundred other hard-nosed, BIG 10 superlatives on them.

By Scott Harris

Plenty has been written and discussed about the extraordinary events within the mediocre confines of Municipal Auditorium on March 9th. Belmont’s win over Murray State in the OVC Championship was an extraordinarily epic game. A near-perfect night … one shining moment … and not just because of who won the game.

Seriously, what are the odds that a guy named Clay Travis lives in Nashville and isn't a country singer? Slim, I'd guess. He makes us laugh and he pisses us off. He makes us think, but best of all, he makes us read (we need that in the South). It's time to analyze this polarizing figure of redneck idolatry. It was begged that somebody write a post about hating or loving Clay, and I thought I'd just knock out both.

I felt obligated to write this once I saw the Bull Pen was looking for stories about Celebrity Encounters.

While attending the University of Arkansas as an undergrad, my brother, two years my elder, has the idea to go to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday. My birthday falls on a Friday so as he saw it, "It only makes sense to go." For many reasons, this was a very bad decision.

By Loren Sanders

Just because a statistic doesn’t come from the Elias Sports Bureau doesn’t mean it’s not a statistic. That said, three out of every five American high schools have a Coach Mac. My Coach Mac is the head football coach.

Sport Never Dies

Written by: Sanders

By Loren Sanders

Today I bowled.

I traveled to the beach for work this week. Flight options kind of sucked for Friday, so the coworkers and I decided to have a fun afternoon at the beach.

Today, it’s 67 degrees and storming. Flash-flood-warning-storming.

By Christian Wick

If you've ever glanced at this website or just used the internet in general, you know Alabama fans have set the bar high on absurdity, but allow me to throw LSU's hat into the ring.

Michael Sandlin, owner of Tiger Truck Stop in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, is currently fighting to keep his TIGER at his truck stop. Read that sentence again. Now, being from New Orleans, I'm astonished I've never heard of this place.

By Matt G

After a trip to see the Missouri Tigers play the Tennessee Volunteers this past season, we were left wondering, "Why is public intoxication such a big deal in Knoxville, Tennessee? As soon as Missouri's inaugural SEC schedule was released, November 10th was circled on our calendars.  We were finally in a conference with destinations worth traveling to, and Knoxville would be our first.

Is N.C. State Ready for the SEC?

Written by: JohnPMundy

By John Mundy

As rumors continue to swirl about the Atlantic Coast Conference's inevitable demise, I’ve kept an ear to the ground for the latest realignment talk.

By Landon Magee

The debate opened up last night on twitter; which professional sport should invade Nashville next? The popular thoughts in the south are, of course, an MLB or NBA team. Many people disagree. 

SEC to EPL Translation Guide

Written by: Dantzler

By Dantzler Smith

College football is over and the NFL is nearing the end. As a football fan, this can result in depression or being forced to spend time with your loved ones. Fortunately, there is an alternative to those unappealing outcomes: start following English Premier League (EPL) soccer.

Defending Notre Dame

Written by: JohnPMundy

By John Mundy

Step one: put them in the national title game against the SEC champ.

Step two: Rinse.

Step three: Repeat.

Notre Dame defended. 

By Loren Sanders

As bowl season has come to a close, it brings about a few sad realizations…

First, there have been a lot of meaningless football games played as the memories of competitive games gone by linger on in the hearts of those who care. 

Second, Notre Dame... well... Nevermind.

Greetings OKTC,  I am a Packer fan. I write at www.no-sacred-cows.com. I live in California and attended the playoff game at Candlestick Park last Saturday. Below is my account of the game and the harrowing stadium experience. This will come as a huge shock to those who think the Bay Area fans are mild and even-keeled. 

Enough is enough. Monday night’s 42-14 humiliation of Notre Dame should be enough for an indictment, conviction and execution of the Notre Dame Rules. Specifically, the special treatment for “Non-Southern White America’s Team” should, and must, come to an abrupt end.

By Jason Hutzler

That a grant of rights prevents conferences from being raided is a myth. The Big 12 is still vulnerable because Texas and Oklahoma are still in play to be gobbled up in conference realignment. To give you some background, I am a contract lawyer in Phoenix. I litigate a lot of contracts. Some that have liquidated damages clauses and some that don't.

By Nick Pritchard

There really shouldn’t be a dilemma.

The decision should be easy. 

As an Ole Miss fan I should have no problem supporting Notre Dame, my girlfriend’s favorite team, against Alabama. Why?

Because, I hate Alabama, that’s why.

By Mac McClure

The unwanted stepchild of the BCS power conferences, the Big East has crumbled over the past decade to become what it is today: a BCS automatic-qualifying conference with only one ranked team in the BCS standings. To put this epic collapse into perspective, the conference is only ten years removed from a stretch where its champion played for the BCS National Championship three out of four years. This season, the “power” conference claims one team in the final BCS standings, and the MAC and WAC can each claim two ranking members.

By Craig Hayes

Like many of you I had been reading with horror and disgust about the awful events in Connecticut this past Friday when I came across a story in the local paper about the heroic teacher who saved her students by cramming them into a bathroom and telling them to stay silent because a bad man was in the school.

The annual NCAA coaching carousel came to the Volunteer State this past week in a big way, taking fans along for quite a ride as the University of Tennessee frantically looked for a new football czar to rescue them from mediocrity. Athletic Director Dave Hart left no stone unturned and no airstrip untouched as he publicly assumed absolute power over a situation that probably could have benefited from some outside input. 

By Thomas Sanders

Fear not college football fans lamenting the upcoming bowl season hiatus, because it’s the most wonderful time of the year! We have finally arrived in that sliver of the sporting cycle where irrationality truly reigns supreme. Coaching watches, BCS blunders, distant playoff hopes, even an impending Mayan apocalypse prophecy; cue the Clay Travis, I mean Kenny Loggins, ladies and gentlemen, because we’re officially in the 2012 Danger Zone!

Ron Artest and The Meaning of Life

Written by: brettkennedy

I am the only Indiana Pacers fan that I know.

Disturbing Sports Hypotheticals

Written by: AaronCB

One of the most annoying things some women subject their men to are constant hypothetical questions. Most of which start with "Would you still be with me if..." or "Would you still love me if..." The only option that doesn't lead to a fight is to tell them what they want to hear. I got pretty lucky in this area. My wife never subjects me to these. She, on the other hand, didn't get so lucky.

View From A Stool

Written by: Sanders

by Loren Sanders

Nothing about me is complicated. Nine pieces of wood and a coat of white paint. For others like me, life is pretty simple. Some end up in grungy bars with a film of stale alcohol separating them from husky jorts hiding the lower half of a Tebow tramp stamp. Others in high school Physics classes watching their users try to figure out how to drop a five gallon water jug off of the roof while maintaining the integrity of an egg.

First, it was Joker Phillips. Then Derek Dooley, John L. Smith, and Gene Chizik. It's time to hire and fire coaches in our beloved SEC. I have recently obtained a copy of the official SEC Coaching Questionnaire that all potential SEC hires must fill out.

By Nick Pritchard

For my dad’s 60th birthday I decided to take him skydiving. A little recon (several not-so-subtle hints following his 59th) revealed that jumping from a plane at 14,500 feet was at the top of his Bucket List. I didn’t ever bother to ask what else was on the list. All I knew was that I would leapfrog my older brothers in inheritance order if I followed through in taking him skydiving.

SEC Holiday Wish List

Written by: jon__reed

By Jon Reed

The holiday season is upon us. I hope you have behaved this season and not been poisoning trees, touching people with your genitals without implied consent, wearing jorts, drinking Dool-Aid, or making videos of you singing in a hog’s head with your nose taped up. 

“That’s about all that can be said for plots, which anyway are just one thing after another, a what and a what and a what. Now try How and Why”  --Margaret Atwood, "Happy Endings"

The SEC's Most Needed Stadium Upgrades

Written by: Stewart V. Doom

During a recent conversation regarding the Kentucky football team, a friend and I were discussing the possibility of Mike Leach coaching our beloved Wildcats.  My friend suggested UK build a pirate ship in the east end of Commonwealth Stadium to entice Leach, a la the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

If you are on this website, you're here for one of two reasons: you're either a fan of an SEC school, or you have an unhealthy amount of jealousy or hatred towards the SEC because of the national love fest and perceived dominance of the conference (especially you B1G and Ohio State fans). I happen to be both.

By Craig Hayes

In the classic western Lonesome Dove, there is a wonderful scene where the novel's resident philosopher, Augustus McCrae, implores the beautiful, yet tragic character Lorena, to appreciate the everyday, little things in life, rather than build up big dreams in your head, only to be disappointed in the end. For Gus, those things were a soft mattress and a glass of buttermilk.

By Loren Sanders

I’m on a flight from Minneapolis to Anchorage. Knowing I have only an iPod to accompany the Sky Mall catalog, I felt immense pressure to sleep. Then the flight attendant announced wifi was available on the plane – fantastic – but only until we reached Canadian airspace. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this flight, Canadian airspace is 45 minutes from Minneapolis.

SEARCHING FOR HERSCHEL

Written by: chayesesq

By Craig Hayes

I took a rare sick day this week after a brief bout with the flu. I've been lucky with my health over the years, and I don’t take many vacations, so it is rare for me to be home on a weekday. Since I was too groggy from a fever to read, I channel surfed for a while until I came across an old, familiar sight on ESPN Classic. There he was on the TV, and I felt like I was 12 years old again.

Greed and the Football Reformation

Written by: Dantzler

By Dantzler Smith

The NFL’s replacement referees taught NFL fans what the fans of college football already knew. While Steve Young and other NFL commentators, in exasperated tones, expanded their vocabulary to encompass economic principles like ‘inelastic demand’, college football fans should’ve shrugged in indifference to the near tantrums of the talking heads.

By Thomas Sanders

Cheering for Vanderbilt is a little like chasing the dragon, except painfully opposite. Instead of needing more and more success to flood the brain with dopamine, I’ve built up such a tolerance for disappointment that it requires an inordinate amount of failure for me to even feel pain anymore. You know, like when your charismatic new coach, who single-handedly energized a fan base with five decades worth of track marks down their arms, decides to give underachieving Auburn every opportunity to steal a win on the road. Being favored by a whole touchdown pretty much guaranteed that the ‘Dores would drop a steaming black and gold load at some point, so a hard-fought loss to a perennially decent/good team would have only driven me to drink a little more than I would have on a typical Saturday; but cutting the field in half for a struggling offense by refusing to punt when a home win means more than a road loss is inexcusable for a coach who wants to be considered elite. But I digress.

Greetings from Frankenstorm's bullseye. Don't you just love that it isn't enough for weather forecasters to try and scare the crap out of everyone once a large storm develops, but now they have to give them ominous nicknames as well? "Snowicane!!" "Frankenstorm!" Weathermen, and women, like this make me pine for the days when all they did was give the five day forecast, tell a lame joke and just turn it back over to Frank for Sports.

Why I Left Politics For Football

Written by: johnlepine
In my final two years of high school, I was an avid devotee of the long campaign season of the Republican and Democratic primary elections. I did have a horse in the race—albeit a horse of jettest black hair—so while I wore shirts and buttons and held signs and donated money, I would have been quickly burned out if not for the sheer fun of speculation and competition:

By Ryan Cranford

In honor of Georgia-Florida week (it's only fitting that I'm smoking a nice cigar in the fall air as I write this, probably left over from so many hopeful victories that didn't occur), a certain aspect of college football student life can be brought to the forefront.... sneaking into stadiums. Let me shed a little background light for those who may be unaware of this undertaking or may think it a bit juvenile.

By Eric Taylor

I never knew how big an Alabama football fan I was until I moved to Tennessee.

By Eric Taylor

When former SEC Commissioner Roy Kramer added Arkansas and South Carolina as the 11th and 12th team to the conference in 1990 so he could stage the first ever conference championship game, anyone would have bet the family pet that Alabama and Tennessee would meet in at least one championship game through 2011. 

Can Tennessee steal Gruden from ESPN?

Written by: Andrew Whaley

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a Tennessee fan say, “Let’s just pay Jon Gruden 7 million dollars,” I would have around 7 million dollars. I can remember thousands of outraged students chanting Jon Gruden outside Gate 21 on that fateful winter night when mattresses burned in the streets and Lane Kiffin miraculously escaped Knoxville alive.

By Cody Knight

An old coach once said, "you're never as good as you think you are." SEC fans, the media, and coaches could all learn something from that statement.

By Dantzler Smith

Heading to a Wofford football game on Fall Saturdays, you drive from the leafy neighborhoods towards downtown on Main Street. At the Spartanburg Chamber of Commerce, with its flag poles hoisting the standards of countries the small city boasts as business partners, you turn down Pine Street.

Sarah Jones and The Bengals

Written by: Zach Knott

By Zach Knott

Sarah Jones pleaded guilty yesterday to having inappropriate relations with a (at the time) 17 year old student.

Her punishment?

Five years of probation.

"I began a romantic relationship while he was a student and I was in a position of authority," Jones said. "Our romantic relationship included voluminous phone calls and text messages. I sent sexually explicit text messages to (the student) when he was a student.

"I had sexual contact including sexual intercourse with (the student) in Kenton County, Kentucky, while he was a student and I was a teacher."

She taught him when he was a freshman in 2008 and was his personal tutor in 2010 and 2011. Of course, as all of these female-teacher-having-sex-with-students-stories that actually get media attention have taught us the reason this made national news is because the teacher is not ugly.

In fact, she was a cheerleader for the Cincinnati Bengals.

By Stevie Cocksman

Despite my passionate love of college football, I’ve always had a strong aversion to boys throwing a football in the tailgate parking lot. First, those that primarily engage in it – eight to eighteen year old boys – are not by nature a considerate group.

By Jacob Cooper

The prevailing sentiment around the country is that Razorback fans are willing to do anything to get Bobby Petrino back. With each game that interim head coach John L. Smith lets slip away, the chorus grows louder.

By: Jeff “SQUIRREL” Tew  

On October 30, 1977 I was born in Dothan, Alabama to a family who had bled Alabama Crimson since the football teams’ inception in 1892. Growing up, all I knew was Alabama football.

Moms, Hug 'em if you Got 'Em.

Written by: ChrisHaddock

By Chris Haddock

Thirty-nine years ago a woman went into labor on her 25th Birthday. Eighteen hours later on the following morning she delivered her first child. She spent the next two and a half decades raising this son. She was a Bama fan. 

By Shyam Sundararaman

I was at CenturyLink Field for the most memorable Monday night football finish of all time. Years from now I will be able to tell my grandkids that I was in the stadium the day that Cedric Benson scored a Packer touchdown, Golden Tate made a play, the NFL's credibility sank to its lowest low.

By Craig Hayes

Last Friday night, Justin Buckley, a running back for the Oceanside (N.Y.) High School Sailors broke free for a twenty-five yard touchdown to put the finishing touches on a comeback 36-21 victory over the East Meadow High Jets. After he crossed the goal line, he celebrated his score in a unique and special way.

By Mat Nickovich

I am a college football vagabond. I drift from team to team, player to player, conference to conference because of a deep-seated unwillingness and inability to devote my fandom to a single team. Some say this failure to settle makes me a college football slut, but I disagree.

Let The Games Begin (Again)

Written by: vinnyinc

By Vince Thompson, Pres/CEO, MELT (www.meltatl.com)  

The addition of Notre Dame today to the ACC, even on a limited football basis, is the latest salvo in the continuing chess match between the ACC's John Swofford, the SEC's Mike Slive, the Pac-12's Larry Scott, the Big 10's Jim Delaney and the Big 12's Bob Bowlsby (even though they only technically have 10 teams).

By Craig Hayes

Late Saturday night as I was alternating between Missouri's debut in the SEC and the "no defense allowed" game that was going on between UCLA and Nebraska, I gradually started directing my attention to the Arkansas, Louisiana Monroe game as the War Hawks, a full 30 point underdogs, were hanging tough with the Razorbacks and ended up driving to a potential game tying score with less than a minute to go in regulation.

By Jacob Cooper

It sounds like a teaser for an episode of HBO’s True Blood, but Arkansas fans found out just how true it is on Saturday against the University of Louisiana at Monroe in Little Rock: You can’t outrun what you really are.

Leaving Football

Written by: chayesesq

By Craig Hayes

"Hey Pussy!" I cringed as I slowly limped away from the last set of gassers, praying that the screaming voice of the team captain wasn't for me. "Hey 95!" It was. That was the jersey number the equipment manager gave me about two hours earlier. The first and only time I would wear that number, and the last time I would wear shoulder pads for the rest of my life. I was 21 years old.

By Christian Wick

I flew down to Texas this weekend for my buddy's wedding. He’s an Aggie alumnus, Ensign in the Navy, and is currently training to become a Helicopter pilot.

By Stevie Cocksman

 

I am a Gamecock fan. Have been for over 30 years. It would surprise no one to learn that the things I associate most with Gamecock football are pain, suffering, and disappointment. Yet, for some reason – just like every year for the past thirty or so - I can’t wait for football season.

The Secret Weapon: Pablo Sanchez

Written by: jacksonomartin

Written by Jackson Martin

So The Harvard College Sports Analysis Collective is at it again, trying to destroy my entire childhood. You might remember them as the guys who did an incredible job of compiling the box score from Space Jam (my favorite movie of all time) or as the college blog that is way smarter than just about everyone else writing about sports right now.

This time they're projecting Pablo Sanchez's career numbers (and probability of using steroids) by his Backyard Baseball statistics. It's worth a read, but I'll save you a little bit of time; he'd be really, really good.

Mizzou and the SEC Will Love Each Other

Written by: MichaelAUrban

Written by Michael Urban

If Mizzou fans are honest, they will tell you that joining the SEC is a little like Andre Iguodala joining the Olympic basketball team. It’s not that Mizzou isn’t worthy of being in the nation’s most elite conference, but the Tigers’ pedigree isn’t exactly of the same lineage as the SEC’s blue bloods. Behind the bravado displayed by Head Coach Gary Pinkel and Senior WR T.J. Moe at last month’s SEC Media Days is an insecure fan base that makes Mitt Romney seem steady. Mizzou sports’ oh-so-close-but-yet-so-far exploits are well documented. There’s the Fifth Down game, Tyus Edney’s improbable buzzer beater, the Flea Kicker, and the 2007 Orange Bowl Snub to name only a few.

Written by Brandon Weiss

There were a lot of unanswered questions at the end of Friday Night Lights, including where players could have/should have gone to college. Luckily, I'm here with a list of the best fits for all of the main players in the show.

Written by: Craig Hayes

I grew up in a small town called Point Lookout on the south shore of Long Island that was just built for summer: the beach on one side of town, the bay on the other, with a beautiful playground and set of ballfields on the side. Days were filled with swimming, body surfing, fishing and crabbing, and baseball games later in the afternoon, with Jones Inlet serving as the backdrop to the outfield.

Written by: Jack Robbins

Football season is finally here. The NFL preseason is up and running and the smack talk emails from your fantasy football buddies are heating up. You’re tired of being the butt of every joke. You’ve done your research and this is the season you are taking home that ridiculously oversized trophy your friends made for your league. But some things are out of your control.

The Plight of My Fanhood

Written by: AndrewAppleton

Written by Andrew Appleton

Aside from our looks and some mannerisms, most children inherit three main things from their parents: their religion, their politics, and their football team. This is especially true in the South where the distinction between the three is often times muddled at best and indistinguishable at worst. And although it is commonplace for free thinking adults to question the first two, very rarely is there an instance where one's football allegiance is ever divided.

Written by: J.D. Frost

What happens when Bear Bryant and former President Gerald Ford both play in the same charity golf tournament?

In the late 1970s, I was a student at UAB, studying so much that entertainment was a premium.  Charles Boswell was a blind golfer, an Alabama native, and an extraordinary hero in many ways.  During those years he put together several celebrity golf tournaments, raising money for sight. The year in question there were two big stars, former President Gerald Ford and Alabama coach Bear Bryant.

Written by: Brandon Priddy

As the father of two small children, quiet time is rare. One of those nuggets of tranquility I enjoy is when I’m mowing the lawn. After the drone of the motor fades into the rear of my consciousness, there’s really nothing to distract me from some deep thinking. And while I should probably be taking the time to discover the deeper meaning of my life and plan the future for my family……instead it’s normally stuff like this:

 

Which SEC coaches most closely match characters in HBO’s “Game of Thrones” and who would they be?