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Coaching turkeys make this so easy

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Mark Kriegel

Mark Kriegel is the national columnist for FOXSports.com. He is the author of two New York Times best sellers, Namath: A Biography and Pistol: The Life of Pete Maravich, which Sports Illustrated called "the best sports biography of the year."

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Updated Nov 24, 2009 4:04 PM ET
     
 
This time of year, I can't help but marvel at my own good fortune. How great is it not to have to write (or read) a Michael-Vick-should-be-starting-over-McNabb column? How wonderful that Tony Dungy's services weren't enlisted in the rehabilitation of Larry Johnson? Finally, I am thankful for this sudden, if inexplicable, spate of horrendous coaching. First, Bill Belichick went for a first down on 4th-and-2 with a 6-point lead. He did this against the Indianapolis Colts, from his own 28, with 2:08 left. You know how that one turned out. Then there's Belichick's disciple, Charlie Weis, a never-before-seen amalgam of pomposity and rotund-ity. He's got about $18 million remaining on his contract. Not to be outdone, LSU's Les Miles has a deal that reportedly entitles him to the highest salary in the SEC. Yet another victory for the concept of merit-pay in education. In the meantime, I'll just give you the highlights from Saturday's game with Ole Miss. Down 25-23, with 32 seconds left, Miles calls a screen pass — a screen pass! — that loses seven yards to the Mississippi 41. There were 26 seconds left. But it took another 17 seconds for Miles to call timeout.




Take a bow, guys. I'm talking about the four American citizens who took the over on the Browns-Lions game.

Nothing wrong with Real Salt Lake winning the MLS title. I just don't see how a team that went 11-12-7 in the regular season can go down as a champion.

Don't know how many extra hours Rich Rodriguez had those Michigan boys practicing, but clearly, it wasn't enough.

— Get more On the Mark

Actually, the coach thought he heard someone calling to the officials. Then again, as he later admitted: "We didn't know that the timeout had not been called." Finally, with nine seconds left, LSU completed a pass over the middle to the Ole Miss 6. That was the last play of the game. The Tigers didn't attempt a shot at the end zone, much less a field goal. The coach's intentions were never clear, but perhaps more troubling was his post-game expression. It could only be described as glazed and vacant. And while none of this does much for Miles' standing in Baton Rouge, word is, he's suddenly a front-runner for the Notre Dame job. Before I forget, however, don't count out the guy from Yale. In the 126th annual game with Harvard, Bulldogs coach Tom Williams called a fake punt on 4th-and-22 from his own 25. There were two and half minutes left. The Bulldogs were up 10-7. Later, after the 14-10 loss, Williams explained that he didn't want to "play scared." Playing stupid, however, even at Yale, is apparently OK. So there you have it. In the space of five days, the coaching profession went from justifying 4th-and-2 to justifying 4th-and-22. Ok, maybe Williams had been studying Belichick's game tapes. Nothing wrong with that. But I don't think he should be doing it while tripping on acid. And that brings me to my point: I'd be even more thankful if there were mandatory drug testing for coaches.

On the Mark

 Take a bow, guys. I'm talking about the four American citizens who took the over on the Browns-Lions game. Nothing wrong with Real Salt Lake winning the MLS title. I just don't see how a team that went 11-12-7 in the regular season can go down as a champion. Kind of like Tito Ortiz being called an MMA "legend." After losing to Forrest Griffin, he's 15-8 and hasn't won a fight in more than three years. Of course, he doesn't want to be known as Mr. Jenna Jameson. Question is, would anyone buy his fights if he weren't? Don't know how many extra hours Rich Rodriguez had those Michigan boys practicing, but clearly, it wasn't enough. Two words for those already giving up on rookie quarterback Mark Sanchez. Troy Aikman. And maybe, two more: Vince Young. That being said, with the Jets apparently out of the playoffs, and their coach having these crying spells, maybe it's time Rex Ryan finally got around to scheduling that C-section. Super middleweight Andre Ward thanked God for helping him take out title-holder Mikkel Kessler. Funny, I thought the headbutts helped even more. Good to see the Vols come back. You know it's been a tough week when you lose more guys for disciplinary reasons than ESPN. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, the Knicks flirting with Allen Iverson. But with 11 point guards going in the first round, how do you not come away with one? Regarding rookie sensation Brandon Jennings, Knicks president Donnie Walsh was quoted in the New York Post as saying that "I didn't have a good feel for his game." Do I need to point out there are medium-sized countries that spend less on national defense than the Knicks spend on scouting? With Donald Fehr now working with the NHL players association, it shouldn't be long before the union releases a statement saying that "steroids don't help you score goals." At long last, On the Mark has identified the toughest job in all of sports: Director of Season Ticket Sales for the New Jersey Nets. This just in: the Yankees have voted Cole Hamels and Ryan Howard full World Series shares.
Tagged: Mississippi, Colts, LSU, Michigan, Notre Dame, Jets

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