by John Halpin

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I'll get to positional Most Valuable Players later this week, but since more than 90 percent of you didn't win your leagues and are probably cursing certain players right now, let's start the offseason with the Least Valuable Players.

I don't want to pick on injured players too much, so we set minimum qualifications of 350 at-bats for hitters and 150 innings for pitchers (except closers). Each player's value is relative to how he was regarded before the season. So, even though Houston catcher J.R. Towles fell on his face in April, he was viewed as more of a sleeper than a star, and we didn't expect too much.

Got a disagreement or suggestion of your own? Leave a comment below.

Catcher: Kenji Johjima, Mariners

As much as it kills me to skip over Victor Martinez here — since he went homerless for two and a half months before going on the disabled list — he doesn't meet the criteria. Instead we'll go with Johjima, who followed up two nearly identical seasons in 2006 (.291, 18 HR) and 2007 (.287, 14 HR) with a .227-7-39-.609 OPS stinkbomb in 2008. He also scored an unfathomably low 29 runs. It's a good thing Johjima's young, or I might think he just started a rapid decline. What's that? He's 32? Oh.

First base: Paul Konerko, White Sox

Despite a late season surge, Konerko couldn't escape this one. He was so dismal for most of the season that he got benched upon Ken Griffey's arrival and only started playing again when Carlos Quentin got hurt. Konerko's total of 62 RBI was the lowest of his career, and his .243 average and 22 homers didn't do fantasy owners any favors. I bet the White Sox are really happy they're contractually obligated to watch Konerko's offensive production go completely over a cliff for the next two seasons.

Second base: Robinson Cano, Yankees

Can we please stop overrating Cano now? Yes, he's got quick wrists and a pretty swing. Yes, he reminds some people of Rod Carew (I'm talking to you, dad). He also swings at EVERYTHING, and until he stops doing that he's not going to become the fantastic hitter people expect him to be. If someone takes Cano in the fifth round of your mixed league draft again next year, get up and smack the guy. Twice.

Third base: Ryan Zimmerman, Nationals

Zimmerman was viewed as a rising fantasy star after hitting 44 homers and knocking in 201 runs in his first two full seasons. He did miss a month and a half with a torn labrum, but when he did play, the power just wasn't there. Fourteen home runs, 51 RBI and 51 runs cumulatively rank him somewhere around 20th among big league third basemen. No matter the cause of Zimmerman's power outage, that's a huge disappointment and part of why in baseball, Washington is the capital of Suckistan.

Shortstop: Troy Tulowitzki, Rockies

A few weeks ago, I wrote "Tulowitzki" is Polish for "sophomore jinx," and I liked that line so much I had to use it again. What in the world happened to this guy? Sure, he was hurt for a while, but when he played he flat-out stunk. After being ranked among fantasy's top six or seven shortstops before the season, Tulo batted .263 with eight homers and 46 RBI. Good grief, you'd have been better off with fellow Pole Yuniesky Betancourt.

(By the way, I really thought about giving this one to Jimmy Rollins, and I'm sure the tens of thousands of people who drafted him among the top five players in their leagues would have agreed. I just couldn't look past the 47 stolen bases.)

Outfield: Carl Crawford, Rays

Here's another part-injured, part-just-plain-stinky positional LVP. Forget about the injury — Crawford played every day until the middle of August and stole 25 bases. That sounds fine until you consider that if he's not a completely dominant basestealer for you, he's worthless. Here are Crawford's steal totals since 2003: 55-59-46-58-50-25. That last one really hurts, doesn't it?

Starting pitcher: Justin Verlander, Tigers

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 American League Cy Young Award winner! Or so we thought. After a preseason of sky-high expectations caused by a breakthrough 2007, Verlander's 4.84 ERA ranked 76th among the 87 MLB pitchers that threw enough innings to qualify for an ERA title, just one spot behind the immortal Zach Duke. I should also mention Verlander's 11-17 record and 1.40 WHIP, though they weren't quite as horrendously putrid as the ERA. I'm no pitching coach, but Verlander might want to do something about those 20 extra walks he added from 2007. Walks are bad.

Anyway, I'd like to nominate Verlander as fantasy baseball's overall Least Valuable Player of 2008. All in favor? I thought so.

Relief pitcher: Huston Street, A's

Despite my urge to give this dishonor to Milwaukee's Eric Gagne, I think I was the only idiot in my profession to rank him as high as 10th among closers prior to the season. How's that for making a mark?

The 25-year-old Street gets the nod here, since up-and-coming star closers aren't supposed to lose their jobs in July and not get them back. I guess it would have been hard for anyone to get the job back from Brad Ziegler, who threw something like 9,000 scoreless innings before allowing his first major league run. Also, Street wasn't really all that bad this season. But you drafted him for more than 18 saves, and we're not forgiving people around here. You want compassion and understanding? Get a dog.