by John Halpin

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I was nine when it happened, and I convinced my mom to let me watch the game in the TV section of a department store in Woodbridge, N.J., while she shopped. I think she'd get arrested for that now.

Moving on, now that I've gotten the Least Valuable Players out of the way and had a chance to cheer up after an excruciating second-place finish in my AL keeper league — I was in first place Sunday morning, for crying out loud — I'm going to look at the positive side of things and name this season's fantasy MVPs. Once again, the awards are relative to draft position and not just a list of the best players. Even though that precludes me from tabbing Marlins SS Hanley Ramirez — who I TOLD you was a better No. 1 overall pick than Alex Rodriguez — I need to have standards.

Speaking of A-Rod, I acquired him for that AL keeper league team in August. My final week collapse was mainly due to poor hitting, and I figure that blaming him for infecting my team with a contagious lack of cojones is the logical thing to do. Makes sense, right?

Catcher: Kelly Shoppach, Indians

Shoppach began the year as an undrafted afterthought and didn't start playing every day until a homerless and pathetic Victor Martinez went on the DL in early June. After that ... wow. From June 7 on, Shoppach hit 20 homers with 51 RBI and 59 runs and established himself as a solid fantasy power threat. With Ryan Garko's disappointing season, don't be surprised if Martinez shifts to full-time first base duty, leaving the backstop job to Shoppach.

First base: Kevin Youkilis, Red Sox

At one point in August, while I was scanning some MLB stats, I did a double-take and said to myself, "Wait, Youkilis has HOW many home runs?" A 14th round pick in the average FOXSports.com league, Yooooooooouk had career highs in batting average (.312), home runs (29) and RBI (115). Over the course of three seasons, The Greek God of Walks has gone from on-base complementary player to middle-of-the-order stud. Who needs Manny, right, Sox fans?

Second base: Mark DeRosa, Cubs

DeRosa was a late-round choice in most mixed league drafts and ranked 23rd at his position. He dramatically exceeded his career norms, with a .285 average, 21 homers, 87 RBI and 103 runs scored. In the Summer of Cub, nobody stepped up bigger than DeRosa.

Third base: Jorge Cantu, Marlins

I always say that third basemen are everywhere, but I wouldn't normally suggest finding one in Obscurity, USA. Cantu spent most of 2007 in the minors, and his 28-homer, 117-RBI 2005 seemed like a distant memory. Then he won a three-way battle for the Marlins' hot corner job and never looked back, batting .277 with 29 homers, 95 RBI and 92 runs on a competitive team. In the spirit of our election season, repeat after me: YES WE CAN(tu)!

Shortstop: Jhonny Peralta, Indians

As someone who grew up as a "Johnny," it constantly infuriates me that Peralta doesn't know how to spell his own name. With that said, after not being among the top dozen fantasy shortstops in drafts, he had a really nice year, with career highs in runs (104) and RBI (89), along with 23 longballs. The early word is that Peralta might shift to third base next season, but he'll still qualify at short in most fantasy leagues.

Outfield: Ryan Ludwick, Cardinals and Carlos Quentin, White Sox

These guys were both so good, I couldn't bear to leave one of them out. At the start of 2007, Ludwick was one of those classic Quadruple-A players, obscure enough that my Cardinals fanatic friend Matthew kept calling him Eric (which is Ryan's brother's name). The 30-year-old Ludwick hit 14 homers in half a season in 2007, and then exploded this year, batting .299 with 37 homers, 113 RBI and 104 runs. This makes you feel more confident that other players like Ludwick can make similar jumps, from Triple-A lifer to major league stud. Nelson Cruz, anyone?

As for Quentin, most people were unimpressed when the White Sox acquired him, mainly because he had just 14 home runs in his first 395 big league at-bats. All year long, alleged experts like me kept predicting he'd come back to Earth, and he didn't until a broken wrist sidelined him in early September. Quentin's mind-blowing numbers (.288-36-100-96 runs) generated a lot of MVP talk for much of the summer, and if it weren't for his injury he'd be the favorite right now. There was absolutely nothing to suggest this was coming, so maybe you should just pick late-round outfielders out of a hat next year instead of reading advice from me.

(Wait, scratch that. I've got my eye on a new Ferrari after watching last week's episode of Entourage, and I can't spare the $100K I make each week for writing this column. Keep reading, please.)

Starting pitcher: Cliff Lee, Indians

Shoppach, Peralta and Lee? Did the Indians really finish third in the AL Central after being favored to make the playoffs? Whatever. Lee was an undrafted fantasy marvel, going 22-3 with an AL-best 2.54 ERA, a 1.10 WHIP and a respectable 170 strikeouts. Of course, we all knew this was coming after Lee posted a 4.40 ERA in 2006 and a 6.29 (!) ERA last season, didn't we?

Relief pitcher: Brian Wilson, Giants

Ah, Wilson. It's always nice to see the Beach Boys do well. I wasn't around when they debuted in the 60s, but after the rockin' 1988 Kokomo video, when John Stamos from Full House played the drums, it was hard to not be a huge fan. Everybody kno-o-ows, a little place called KO-ko-mo ...

OK, seriously, after saving just six games late in 2007, Wilson tied for fourth in the majors with 41 saves this season. That big total came along with a putrid 4.62 ERA, but who cares? It's forty-one saves! Maybe Francisco Rodriguez had 62 of them, but you knew he'd get a lot. Wilson was mediocre, and he still carried your fantasy team in one category. Isn't saves the stupidest stat ever? I can't decide if it's worse in fantasy or in real life, but either way it's awful.