Y.E. Yang, of South Korea, takes checkered pants to a new level with his outfit for the second round of the Northern Trust Open at Riviera Country Club.

Memo to golf pros: A Tiger's presence is not an excuse to turn the fairway into a fashion jungle. Sometimes we have trouble distinguishing if we're watching a golf tourney or suffering an acid flashback — thanks, John Daly. Think we're exaggerating? Come along on a little trip with us.
 

Exhibit A: Don't look now, but it's a golfer wearing plaid. How ... inspired. Really. At least the Scots have the guts to go full kilt when wearing tartan below the waist. The skirts get a free pass for their dedication to, er, "freedom." But Braveheart you are not, Eric Axley. This is a battle you cannot win.

Exhibit B: "Big-boned" golfers wearing ridiculously bold patterns in awful color schemes. Geometric coordination is so 1983. But believe it or not, that's not the biggest offense here. No, nor is the bat-signal belt buckle ("Calling all cougars!"). The real issue is that thing on Jeff Overton's head — a hat that undoubtedly comes with a free bowl of soup.

And for Exhibit C: Misappropriated patriotism. Woody Austin must've seen stars when he struck his own head with his putter in '97 — now he's menacing the viewing public with his visions. We're all for national pride, but the motif begins with stars and ends at stripes. Forget the Boston "tee" party — this shirt should be tossed in the harbor.

Exhibit D: Blatant attempts at self-promotion. Could it be any more obvious that Kenneth Ferrie is angling for a part In Finding Nemo Again? The script follows a fully grown Nemo as he ventures out into the world to find ... himself. On the way, the lovable clown fish encounters a great white whale. Kenneth's part? The love child that results.

Exhibit E: Fashion from another planet. Not sure if this group hails from Ork, but this much is clear: They did their Earth observation work at an insurance convention. Woe to golfer Brian Gay — he was having trouble enough with the lime trousers before his tragic abduction. Then quicker than he could sputter Nanu Nanu, the painful assimilation was complete.

Exhibit F: Recessionomics fashion — aka, hobo chic. It's official: The downturn has even affected pro golf, as demonstrated by Kevin Sutherland's double-cap monstrosity that is straight-up Derelicte. Before you know it, he'll be hopping a freight train with a knapsack tied to his 7-iron to get to the next tourney.

Exhibit G: Runway meets fairway. Jesper Parnevik already has a rep for changing costume mid-course. Now he's practicing GQ poses on the greens. The pose, the tie, the intense Blue Steel expression, it all can mean only one thing: The Zoolander of golf is ready to take on the "evil" designer Karl Lagerfeld in a walk-off.

Exhibit ... didn't we already cover A? C'mon, people. Plaid? Again? Maybe all that hair product has gone to Ian Poulter's head. (That's what his caddy is thinking.) We'll call that an explanation, but not an excuse. This outfit has got to go, along with pretty much every other so-called coordinate the Brit golfer has worn on the PGA Tour stage.

We've dropped the Exhibits and moved on to Exhibition. What is it with these Swedish golfers? First we get Jesper and his super-model aspirations, now Henrik Stenson is wiggling his wedge after stripping down to his skivvies — and showing us exactly where he stashes his Titleists. The "pro" in "pro golfer" does stand for "professional," right?

And for our final example, ladies and gentlemen, we present Exhibit John Daly, who defies categorization. True enough, he's sporting a pair of patchwork pants it must've taken a whole quilting circle of little old ladies to piece together. But in doing so, he has cleverly managed to grab headlines for something other than his struggles with alcohol, gambling and his many wives. For that, we offer the politest of golf claps. Well played.