by MARK WHICKER REGISTER COLUMNIST , The Orange County Register

Scott Boras pals around with Bill Ayers.

Scott Boras was last seen wearing an eye patch and leading Kevin Brown and other Somali-based pirates in the Indian Ocean, as they attacked the Good Ship MLB and made Arte Moreno and Frank McCourt walk the plank.

Worse yet, Scott Boras is going to lead a pack of glazed-eyed sports writers around the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas next weekend at the winter meetings, pulling their chains as he orchestrates the future of Mark Teixeira, Manny Ramirez, Derek Lowe, Jason Varitek, Garret Anderson, etc.

This is not a stretch: There is no human being in America who is as routinely condemned and yet is so anonymous as Scott Boras.

Most critics couldn't pick him out of a lineup, even though he was profiled on "60 Minutes" and has never met a TV camera (or a reporter) he didn't accommodate.

Otherwise, he might be the only remaining dynasty in Baseball.

For nearly 20 years, he has had no parallel at finding the best young Baseball players, serving as their agent, providing them with fitness programs, instruction and financial advice, and getting them a fair shake at contract time.

Oh, did I say shake? I meant sheikh.

After the 2005 season it was clear that Johnny Damon was a broken-down jalopy. He couldn't throw, he couldn't play center field, and his homers had dipped from 20 to 10. The Red Sox couldn't wait to pawn him off, and Boras was asked how he could possibly find a highest bidder for Damon.

A few weeks later the Yankees signed Damon for four years, $52 million. This year he had 555 at-bats, hit .316, and probably had his best overall year since '05. Now he's 35. Think he'll get another contract? Just wait.

Two weeks ago, Kevin Malone was spotted in a Santa Clara hotel lobby. He has a kid at USC. He's running a Mercedes-Benz dealership and organizing Christian missions.

Yeah, same former Dodgers GM who went jogging with Boras at the winter meetings in Nashville and suffered such an endorphin overload that he wound up giving Kevin Brown $105 million over seven years.

At least Brown pitched 200-plus innings in three of those seasons and went 18-9 in the first one. He was a cornucopia of value compared to Darren Dreifort, whom Malone signed for five years and $55 million at the 2000 winter meetings, just as the Bush/Gore recount was winding down.

Malone should have asked for his own recount. Dreifort managed barely 200 innings the rest of his career and missed 2002 altogether.

As Bill Bavasi later said, "I don't think Scott takes a .357 into the room and forces you to make those deals."

Boras irritates people in two ways. He is widely accused of inventing a phantom customer to drive up the price. And he never quits selling you on the wonders of his clients, often using contradictory criteria.

When he's pushing Varitek, he mentions that the Red Sox have won 60 percent of the games he has caught. True, Varitek is the foundation of Boston's excellent pitching. But there's no mention of Varitek's .220 average or .672 OPS last year.

When Alex Rodriguez is the subject, it's all about his eventual pursuit of the home run record. Winning doesn't come up.

All of this is harmless and entertaining. At least Boras is out there talking. The fact he never quits competing for his players is the reason they stick with him. That, and the Maseratis.

The Angels and Dodgers knew they were drawing the hardest bargainer in Baseball when they made themselves pawns of Teixeira and Ramirez. Both made deadline deals. The Angels gave up more (Casey Kotchman) and had higher goals (winning the World Series). They lost the Division Series and now might lose Teixeira, but they're not complaining, not publicly. They knew the deal.

Remember, never in his life has Scott Boras offered a contract to one of his players. That is always done by management.

And there never has been a rule that every team must employ a Boras client. The 2008 Phillies had none. They were world champions. The 2008 Rays had one, pitcher Edwin Jackson. They were American League champions.

Meanwhile, the sport is obviously collapsing under Boras' assault.

The Dodgers' value has risen $129 million since McCourt bought them in 2004. The Angels are $316 million more valuable than they were when Moreno bought them in 2003.

Even the Florida Marlins' value has risen from Jeff Loria's purchase price of $158 million in '02 to $256 million today, and they don't get their new stadium until 2012.

The only real bone you should pick with Scott Boras, as we shudder at the derivatives and the Citigroups in our lives, is why he's not doing something more important.

Agent Scott Boras is a thorn in management's side, but he works hard at getting the most for his players.

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