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The Answer is The Problem for Grizzlies
Straight Shooting
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| What were Allen Iverson and the Grizzlies thinking? (Noah Graham / Getty Images) |
Absurdity No. 1
Even though the coaching staff always doubted the wisdom of making Iverson a starter, their decision to have him come off the bench was apparently never communicated to him.
Surprise, surprise, Allen! You'll be asked to reprise the role that you hated so much in Detroit.
Absurdity No. 2
Iverson, meanwhile, believed that he was being brought to Memphis to become a full-time player. But which of the following young players did Iverson believe would be relegated to the bench in order to accommodate his rightful place among the starting five? O.J. Mayo? Rudy Gay? Or Mike Conley?
Absurdity No. 3
Indeed, Lionel Hollins never really wanted Iverson on board to begin with but was categorically overruled by Michael Heisley, the owner of the franchise. Among several other rationalizations proposed by Heisley was the "leadership" that AI could provide for the young Grizzlies.
Say what?
Like convincing his young teammates that practice was unimportant? That taking ill-advised shots, reckless gambling on defense and monopolizing the ball were all admirable traits?
Absurdity No. 4
Beneath all the blarney, Heisley's true motive in signing AI was clearly an attempt to artificially boost home attendance. Judging strictly by the increase in season tickets sold, Heisley succeeded. However, because of his hamstring injury and his indefinite leave of absence, Iverson has yet to appear in a game played in Memphis.
Absurdity No. 5
What happens now?
Will Iverson retire? Arrange a contract buyout and then play somewhere overseas?
Since the Grizzlies were the only team that was even remotely interested in signing Iverson, it's highly doubtful that any other team would be interested in trading for him. In fact, the Knicks — the only ball club whose helter-skelter offense and no-defense game plan would provide an optimal fit for Iverson — have shunned the idea of adding him to their already dysfunctional roster.
Is it also within the realm of possibility that Iverson returns to Memphis with his tail between his legs and accepts a subordinate role? This is probably the least likely alternative.
Indeed, the only solution to this mess is still another absurdity: Finding some way to engineer a trade of Iverson to Golden State for Stephen Jackson. This would be comparable to exchanging a migraine headache for a swollen hemorrhoid.
But think of how entertaining the additional absurdities would provide.
Vox Populi
A couple of weeks back, you rated every single coach in the NBA. As a former coach yourself, how would you fare in the NBA if you were given the chance to be the coach of a mediocre team? — Aaron Ju, South Pasadena, Calif.
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Contact Charley RosenI'd need a full summer to study game tapes in order to expand my knowledge of specific offenses, defenses and player personnel. I'd also need to conduct personal interviews with the players on "my" team. Above all, I'd need to hire veteran assistants to do most of the X and O work.
However, at this stage of my professional career (and of my life), I lack the energy, the patience, the monomania, the ambition and the competitive drive necessary to succeed in the business.
I'd probably be more suited to being an assistant coach or, better yet, a college scout. However, if I did coach a mediocre NBA team, I'd probably do a mediocre job.
Travels with Charley
Despite Phil Jackson's current calm, Zen-like demeanor during ball games, the generally irrational antics that were so common in the CBA often caused him to flip his lid. And he saved the best example of this for the last game he ever coached there.
I had just been fired after my rookie season as a head coach of the Savannah Spirits, but my season wasn't quite finished.
I returned to Woodstock ASAP, and Phil called an hour before I walked in the door of my home. His Albany Patroons had just finished the season at 26-22 and would be opening the playoffs against the Mississippi Jets in a best-of-five series. He invited me to come up to Albany to help him prepare his team for the postseason and also to sit directly behind the bench for Games 3 and 4, which were scheduled to be played at home in the Washington Avenue Armory.
Three of the Patroons mainstays — Lowes Moore, Derrick Rowland and Kenny Natt — were also holdovers from my previous tenure as PJ's assistant. To a man, they were happy to see me and gladly accepted whatever advice I had to offer.
Midway through the regular season, I had traded Cedric Henderson to the Patroons, where he had developed into a consistent scorer and rebounder. Understandably, Henderson wasn't eager to look at me much less pay attention to anything that I had to say.
Inside the NBA
No problem.
I worked with the Patroons' big men for about four days, after which the team proceeded to sweep the Jets, winning two games in Mississippi and Game 3 in Albany. In so doing, the team actually looked as though they had enough stuff to win another CBA championship ring for Phil.
In a bizarre twist typical of the not-so-wonderful world of the CBA, the Tampa Bay Thrillers had suddenly relocated to Rapid City, S.D., immediately after the regular season ended. (That's another story for another day.) Up next for the high-flying Patroons were the Rapid City Thrillers, who were still coached by Bill Musselman.
However the series turned out, after nearly five seasons and although he had no other job prospects, Phil was finished with the CBA. He'd learned as much about being a head coach as working in the CBA could ever teach him. The difficult travel arrangements and, above all, the financial pettiness that characterized virtually every aspect of the league's business had worn him down.
For example, his salary for that final CBA season was a lowly $30,000, plus $25 for every quarter-point that the Patroons won. According to the CBA's unique system, one point went to the winner of each quarter, with three points credited to the winner of the game. So a 7-0 victory would earn Phil an extra $375, and a 7-0 loss would earn him nothing extra. Moreover, there were a few games that season where the Patroons tied one quarter, lost the others and lost the game — thereby netting Phil a bonus of $12.50.
It was all too chintzy and too humiliating.
In any case, against Rapid City, the Patroons wound up on the other end of the broom. The concluding game was played in Albany and ended in a fiercely contested 113-112 win for the Thrillers. Unfortunately, the balance was tipped by a horrendous last-second call by one of the refs.
As soon as the final buzzer sounded, Phil's accumulated frustrations overflowed: He grabbed a folding chair and hurled it on to the court. Not surprisingly, his last official act as a CBA coach, and his not-so-fond farewell to the league was accomplished with admirable technique as the chair slid across the floor, spinning wildly — before coming to rest in the middle of the center-jump circle.
Not even Bobby Knight could do better.
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