by Andy Nesbitt

So I knew I was in trouble when I ran into him the other day in the lobby of our building.

"Looking forward to Thursday?" he said with a big smile.

"Only if that's the day you're moving out," I said with a straight face.

"What's that?"

"Only if that's the day you're moving out."

Paul just kind of frowned and looked at his shoes. Ever since he got laid off from his job about month ago, he has been knocking on my door every day looking to talk football. It gets so bad at times that I actually wish that football was just really soccer and nobody cared about it.

"You're such a joker! You make me LOL all the time."

All I could think about at that moment was finding a small car to throw at him for actually saying LOL. No man in his right mind should type that, let alone say it out loud.

"OK, what is Thursday, Paul?"

"Thanksgiving! One of the best holidays of the year! The kids and I love it!"

"Is that the one where we get gifts, or is that the one where we have to eat dinner with our family and watch a lot of football?"

"Andy, you're kidding, right? It's the one where we celebrate the Pilgrims and all that."

"Fantastic."

"What are you thankful for this year?"

I thought of a number of questionable things that I'm thankful for, but since he's a nice guy with a couple kids and loving wife, I decided to play along with his innocent little game.

"Well, Paul, I guess there are only three things that I am thankful for this year. And they really mean a lot to me."

"Would you like to share?"

"Sure, Paul. But only because you're a nice guy and a responsible neighbor. Here goes. This year I'm thankful for caller ID, the Internet and antibiotics."

"Those sure are goofy things to be thankful for," he said with a look of confusion.

"Well, what can I say Paul? I'm a goofy guy. Now get away from me."

Quick reader mail from last week.

Editors note: This first one is about a remark I made last week about 49ers QB Cody Pickett. The guy who completed exactly ONE pass last week.

Why be sorry about a quarterback's name? Last time I looked at an offensive unit, there were 10 other guys on the field besides the quarterback. I admit the name Cody does not sound all too menacing, but on any given Sunday, a star is born on the gridiron and takes their place next to the greats in Canton, Ohio. SF19-Da Bears 17 — Dennis

Mr. Serious:

The NFL served Cody Pickett with a restraining order this week. He's no longer allowed within 100 miles of "Da" Canton, Ohio.

If we ever cross paths, there is no dought in my mind that I'll just kick your (butt). You got it coming. — Anonymous

Anonymous:

Wow. I have never seen anybody spell the word doubt like you just did. That is incredible. If we ever cross paths, there is no doubt that you will have a dictionary coming your way!

All of your picks are B.S. (bacon sandwiches) but I still find myself reading them because of the funnies. — Emerald

Emerald:

It's nice to see they are still allowing people like you to use computers. Now go get your afternoon meds from the nurse. We don't want you freaking out in the common room.

Now, on to the picks:

Pittsburgh at Baltimore: Ravens coach Brian Billick has been staying up to the wee hours of the night lately surfing the ol' Internet. His favorite sites? Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com and Iamthemostoverratedthingsinceclearpepsi.net. Steelers 20, Ravens 3.

Carolina at Chicago: The last time the Bears had such a big game, Chris Farley was alive and well and doing Ditka jokes on Saturday Night Live. Panthers 24, Bears 13.

Miami at Cleveland: I was in Cleveland a few years ago checking out the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when I saw this big stadium right next door. After being told it was the home of the Browns, I laughed and said "No, silly. The Browns moved to Baltimore a few years ago." Dolphins 9, Browns 6.

Detroit at Dallas: Wouldn't it be fun to see Bill Parcells do one of those Baywatch scenes where he runs topless down the beach in slow motion? Oh my god, I just puked in my mouth. Cowboys 24, Lions 10.

New Orleans at New England: After the Revolution's crushing loss in last week's MLS Cup, New England is in dire need of some good news. Patriots 27, Saints 17.

Philadelphia at New York Giants: I'd rather watch the unedited version of the movie Basic Instinct with both of my parents than hear any more news about T.O. Seriously. Enough is enough. Giants 23, Eagles 9.

Tampa Bay at Atlanta: So inspired by the Bucs' decision to go for two points and the win last week rather than settling for the tie and overtime, a friend of mine decided it was time to finally get off the couch and end things with his boring girlfriend. Falcons 20, Buccaneers 10.

Jacksonville at Tennessee: The Titans are kind of like a bus boy at a fancy restaurant: they're a part of the whole process, but you don't pay much attention to them. Jaguars 17, Titans 13.

Oakland at Washington: What do you call a Raiders fan who went to college? A Niners fan. Redskins 24, Raiders 21.

Seattle at San Francisco: The Niners might as well start Bill Walsh at quarterback this week. At least he knows how to run the West Coast Offense. So what if he's 90. Seahawks 31, Niners 10.

Arizona at St. Louis: Somebody asked me this week if I was looking forward to Kurt Warner's return to St. Louis. When asked who Kurt Warner was again, my friend responded by explaining how he was the guy married to that woman who looks like Webster's Mom from that old show about the little fella with the new parents. Oh, that Kurt Warner! Rams 27, Cardinals 14.

Indianapolis at Cincinnati: The last time the Bengals won a big game, I still believed in Santa Claus. Sorry kids. Should have warned you about that one, eh? There's no Easter Bunny either. Colts 34, Bengals 20.

New York Jets at Denver: Coming to a gym near you very soon: Herm Edwards, personal trainer. Because really, his time is just about up in New York. Broncos 30, Jets 10.

Buffalo at San Diego: Bills fans feel the same way about J.P. Losman as a little kid does about his dad's new girlfriend: skeptical. Chargers 27, Bills 13.

Kansas City at Houston: After beating the Texans, Chiefs head coach Dick Vermeil breaks down into tears and says, "I'm so sorry we did that to them. Why couldn't it have been us who lost our 100th game of the year? Why?" Chiefs 24, Texans 10.

Minnesota at Green Bay: Is it still considered a rivalry when both teams stink worse than the Port-O-Potties outside Lambeau? Packers 23, Vikings 20.

Andy Nesbitt is an editor at FOXSports.com