by Kevin Hench

Now it's the next day and we're supposed to blithely wave over the fence as if nothing happened.

Bitterness? Hit to the legacy? Whatever are you talking about? Just a little misunderstanding. All couples have them.

But make no mistake, this was ugly. Paul McCartney and Heather Mills ugly.

To fill out the metaphor, I'll have to assign genders to the participants.

Let's see, one party triggered the crisis with a sudden capricious mood change, pouted conspicuously, aired private conversations and confided in BFF Greta Van Susteren. Sorry, Brett, you're Venus. No offense.

The Packers, meanwhile, went into classic male avoidance, sweeping everything under the rug with a determined Martian detachment.

If this were "Mad Men," Favre would be Betty Draper craving love and fidelity while the Packers disappeared into Don Draper remoteness.

As the divorce became final, everyone was saying the right thing, which is to say, saying nothing, providing only oblique subtext for us to translate.

Packers team president Mark Murphy was asked if he had tried everything he could to keep Favre from coming to Green Bay.

"Ultimately it was Brett's decision," said Murphy. "And I think, if he wanted to come back, he was welcome. We welcomed him."

Translation: "How unwelcoming do you have to be before a guy feels unwelcome? I mean, yeesh, take a frickin' hint."

Packers general manager Ted Thompson, the butt of some withering criticism from Favre, spoke about his admiration for the guy who questioned his integrity.

"Despite opinions to the contrary, I like Brett a lot. I'd love to see him have the time of his life," said Thompson. "I'm wishing him well, that he does well. I think all football fans want to see him do well, and we pray he will."

Translation: "Obviously the more that prima donna plays and the more successful the Jets are, the higher the draft pick we'll receive as compensation. That aside, the guy ruined my summer, impugned my character and made us all miserable. If Vince Wilfork falls into his knee, I guess the karma Gods will have rendered their verdict."

Next up was Packer coach Mike McCarthy, discussing his position vis-a-vis Favre's return.

"I was not going to let the hypothetical enter our locker room, because it wasn't in the best interests of our football team," he said.

Translation: "I was not going to let Brett Favre enter our locker room because it wasn't in the best interests of our football team."

I don't know if Wisconsin has no-fault divorce like California, but Murphy was sure talking like it does.

"One thing I will just say, it wasn't Brett's fault and it wasn't our fault," said Murphy. "But the relationship got to a point where it couldn't go forward.

Translation: "It was Brett's fault."

While Murphy was saying it was nobody's fault, Favre was suggesting it was everybody's fault.

"I think we're probably both at fault," he said. "I'm not going to blame one side or the other. A lot of things happened this season, a lot of shocking things. But at this point it's irrelevant."

Translation: "I'll let the fans of Green Bay and the shareholders who own the publicly-traded franchise assign blame. But I would just remind them before they do, I'm Brett Favre."

How did we get here? How did one of the sturdiest marriages in all of sports crumble before our eyes?

How did the Packers end up betrothed to Aaron Rodgers with Brett Favre exchanging vows with the New York Jets?

Consulting the work of the world's leading relationship charlatans, er, gurus, let's see if we can't make sense of how it all went so terribly wrong.

"Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed." — John Gray

And spiteful and vindictive when they feel abandoned. Favre's mojo is clearly tied up in playing professional football, something he should have understood before the teary presser on March 6.

But Favre's need to be back on the field is no doubt influenced by his superfluous status around the house. It is the nature of pro sports that in order to excel at the highest level — from training camp through the playoffs — players are forced to make sacrifices regarding their families.

The family, meanwhile, adapts. When the jock retires he finds himself in a house that has been firing on all cylinders without him. His uselessness makes him cranky, which leads to the inevitable family meeting where everybody votes for him to go back to work.

But when the former employer tells him they've filled his position, things go from bad to worse for the proud Hall of Famer.

"You have the duty and gift of living. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines — use your life and get back into the game." — Dr. Phil McGraw

Uh-oh.

Can't you just see Favre with his feet up, nursing a root beer, peacefully channel surfing when he gets blindsided by a Dr. Phil platitude?

Dr. Phil isn't even giving Favre a choice here. You don't have the right to sit on the sidelines. Would the runner-up in last season's MVP voting really need any more impetus than this to change his mind?

And that is, after all, what happened here. Favre announced his retirement. The Packers adjusted their train schedule accordingly, drafted two quarterbacks and moved on. Favre changed his mind after the train had left the station.

In order to get back in the game, he'd have to catch the 5:15 to East Rutherford.

"No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and you still have something unique to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning." — Barbara De Angelis

It just doesn't have any meaning to the Green Bay Packers.

This was Favre's grave miscalculation. By showing up in Green Bay he evoked Lara Flynn Boyle in Wayne's World, insisting that just because she and Wayne had broken up didn't mean they couldn't go out anymore.

Favre's life will now have its meaning for the New York Jets, which means Chad Pennington is in the market for the kind of empty bromides that relationship "experts" like Ms. De Angelis (married five times, once to John Gray) are selling.

"Don't spend time beating on a wall, hoping to transform it into a door." — Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Sage advice, thoroughly ignored by the NFL's all-time leading passer.

In fact, Favre did beat that wall into a door. An exit as it turned out.

So Favre has torn asunder his relationship with the Pack to embark on the Unitas-with-the-Chargers phase of his career.

He'll be faced with the same decision again next offseason. If things don't go well in New York perhaps he'll understand, to paraphrase comedian-author Greg Behrendt, "Dude, they're just not that into you."