by Peter Schrager

You only have to watch the Lions once this entire season. Sure, it might have made your turkey go down a little rougher, and yes, it may have forced you to watch a Real Housewives of Orange County marathon on Thursday instead, but have a heart.

I mean — imagine being an actual Lions fan.

Yikes.

With the city's local politics draped in corruption, the presidents of the Big Three auto manufacturers all taking individual private jets to Washington D.C. last week, and Michigan football having just completed its worst college football season in decades — it hasn't been easy for natives of the 313 this fall. The Lions are 0-12 and were just embarrassed on national TV.

Of course, Lions fans have grown accustomed to such morbidity in recent years. Consider some of these numbers:

• Since 2001, the Lions have never finished better than second to last in the NFC North.

• Since 2001, the Lions have not finished a single season with even a .500 record.

• The Lions have lost 93 games in 7 years — an average of 13+ losses per season.

• Over their past 20 games, the Lions have won once.

And yet, for as bad as the Lions have been this decade, they've never been worse than they are right now. The 2008 Lions are a study in futility. Consider some of these numbers:

• The 0-12 Lions have lost only one game by less than 3 points; a contest decided by a safety in which their quarterback inexplicably stepped out of the end zone while rolling out for a pass in the first half.

• The Lions are ranked dead last in the league in total defense, giving up 32.8 points per game.

• The Lions are ranked dead last in the league in rushing defense, giving up 176.9 rushing yards per game.

• The Lions are dead last in the league in interceptions, with just two the entire year.

• The Lions are among the bottom five teams in the league in scoring offense (16.9 points per game), total yardage (260.8 yards per game), rushing offense (78.3 yards per game), and time of possession.

And a soft part of their schedule is not exactly right around the corner, either. The Lions take on the 6-5 Vikings, the 7-4 Colts, the 6-5 Saints, and the 5-6 Packers the rest of the way. Each of those teams should be fighting for their postseason lives when they take the field with woeful Detroit. I don't see a win coming in any of those games.

The amazing thing is that the Lions are en route to an 0-16 season, and it's not even a big national story. No one's really talking about it, because no one's really surprised. The Lions jumped out to a 17-0 lead in the first quarter versus Tampa Bay last week, only to find themselves down by halftime. They eventually lost the game by 18, giving up 35 points in two quarters. And yet, all that was buried at the bottom of the highlight packages on the Sunday night recap shows.

It's like we're almost numb to it by now. "Oh, the Lions squandered a 17-point lead and lost by three scores? So, what? What's for dinner, mom?"

Going through the annals of NFL history, no team has ever gone 0-16. The '76 Bucs went 0-14, but they were an expansion team. The 1960 Cowboys, also in their first year in existence, went 0-10. A bunch of other teams during the WWII and Depression eras — ones with cool names like the Columbus Panhandles, the Muncie Flyers and Louisville Brecks — have gone winless, too. But no squad has done the 0-16 trick, and only the '76 Bucs lost more than 10 games of all the winless wonders.

It looks like the '08 Lions are well on their way to such infamy.

At least hope is right around the corner, though, right? Sadly, not really.

Their quarterback situation is bleak, aside from Calvin Johnson, no recent first-round draft pick is doing much of anything (Ernie Sims may still be enjoying that piggy-back ride into the end zone from DeAngelo Williams two weeks ago), and the defense could pass for an actual piece of Swiss cheese. As the guys at the Lions blog FireMillen.com wrote this week, "Week after week, game after game, the Lions continue to hemorrhage. They are on life support, but are brain-dead."

If you don't have a stomach, at least have a heart.

After all, one fan base has to watch this team every weekend.

Week 13 Cheat Sheet (all times Eastern)

Miami at St. Louis, 1 p.m.

NFL Week 11

Week 11 action (all times ET)

MIA 24, CAR 17 -- Recap | Box
IND 17, BAL 15 -- Recap | Box
DAL 7, WSH 6 -- Recap | Box
GB 30, SF 24 -- Recap | Box
MIN 35, SEA 9 -- Recap | Box
NYG 34, ATL 31 (OT) -- Recap | Box
NO 38, TB 7 -- Recap | Box
JAX 18, BUF 15 -- Recap | Box
KC 27, PIT 24 (OT) -- Recap | Box
DET 38, CLE 37 -- Recap | Box
ARZ 21, STL 13 -- Recap | Box
SD 32, DEN 3 -- Recap | Box
NE 31, NYJ 14 -- Recap | Box
OAK 20, CIN 17 -- Recap | Box
LIVE: PHI-CHI -- Box score
TEN-HOU, 8:30 p.m. (Mon.) -- Preview


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"Cheat Sheet" favorite Greg Camarillo was lost for the season with a devastating knee injury in last week's 48-28 loss to New England. Ted Ginn and undrafted rookie free agent Davone Bess will have to step it up at receiver over the course of the rest of the year. Miami bounces back with a win on the road Sunday. The Pick: Miami 25, St. Louis 10

San Francisco at Buffalo, 1 p.m.

Buffalo rookie Leodis McKelvin, owner of perhaps the best name in football outside of BenJarvus Green-Ellis, had a breakout game last week, picking off two passes and bringing one back for a score. The Bills — with "Leodis, my man" leading the way — keep their postseason dreams alive on Sunday. The Pick: Buffalo 27, San Francisco 16

Carolina at Green Bay, 1 p.m.

Carolina's rush defense, strong over the first eight games of the season, has now given up 410 rushing yards and six TDs in its last three games. Green Bay's defense, meanwhile, gave up 51 points and 416 yards on Monday night in New Orleans. Both teams are desperate for a win on Sunday and come in hobbling, but give me the 5-6 Packers at home in an ugly one. The Pick: Green Bay 14, Carolina 9

New Orleans at Tampa Bay, 1 p.m.

Though they are quietly flying under the radar, the Bucs actually control their own destiny in the loaded NFC South. With consecutive games versus New Orleans, Carolina, and Atlanta up ahead, it won't be easy. Going with Drew Brees and the red-hot Saints is tempting, but I can't pick against a team that's 5-0 at home. The Pick: Tampa Bay 30, New Orleans 28

New York Giants at Washington, 1 p.m.

How about my guy Madison Hedgecock? With the talking heads salivating over the "Earth, Wind, and Fire" combo of Jacobs-Ward-Bradshaw, it was the Giants steady fullback who caught the key touchdown pass in the third quarter of Sunday's shootout with Arizona. No Osi, no Strahan, no Shockey, no Burress, no Jacobs — yet the Giants just keep on winning. The Pick: New York Giants 27, Washington 23

Indianapolis at Cleveland, 1 p.m.

"It" has officially hit the fan in Cleveland. Benched after just three quarters in his third NFL start, Brady Quinn told reporters after Sunday's loss versus Houston, "I never thought I was on such a short leash." Earlier in the week, Browns GM sent a fan an email ridden with expletives and Jamal Lewis threw his offensive coordinator under the bus. Indy in a cake walk here. The Pick: Indianapolis 31, Cleveland 16

Baltimore at Cincinnati, 1 p.m.

In their past five wins, the Ravens have outscored opponents 77-0 in the fourth quarter. They won't need such late game heroics on Sunday — this one should be over by halftime. The Pick: Baltimore 34, Cincinnati 14

Atlanta at San Diego, 4:05 p.m.

Though my better judgment tells me to ride this Falcons train 'til it stops and to get off any transportation device even remotely involving the Chargers, this one has trouble written all over it for Atlanta. Only 2-3 on the road this season, look for the Michael Turner homecoming party to be spoiled with a heartbreaking loss. The Pick: San Diego 34, Atlanta 23

Kansas City at Oakland, 4:15 p.m.

Though a 31-10 bulldozing over the division-leading Broncos probably looked like a huge day from the Raiders offense on paper, it wasn't quite the case. The defense and special teams carried the way for Oakland, and for the third straight week, JaMarcus Russell completed passes to only one wide receiver. The Pick: Oakland 27, Kansas City 20

Pittsburgh at New England, 4:15 p.m.

Matt Cassel became just the fifth QB in NFL history to throw for 400+ yards in back-to-back games last week, joining a crew that includes Dan Fouts, Dan Marino, Phil Simms and the legend that is Billy Volek. Cassel was humble about the achievement, and in classic Belichickian fashion, shifted any and all focus on to Sunday's game versus Pittsburgh; a game I just can't see the revitalized Patriots losing at home. The Pick: New England 20, Pittsburgh 13

Denver at New York Jets, 4:15 p.m.

After the Jets' win over Tennessee on Sunday, "Cheat Sheet" reader Matt N. chimed in with the following email: "Your hatred for the Jets is obvious, Petey. Brett Favre is your Daddy. Kris Jenkins is your Daddy. They're all your Daddy. Hell, I'm your Daddy! Your picture is still hideous, and so are your picks. Have a nice Thanksgiving." Well, at least he was somewhat pleasant this week. The Pick: New York 28, Denver 22

Chicago at Minnesota, Sunday night

This one can end up being for all the marbles in the NFC North. Tied atop the division at 6-5, both the Bears and Vikings are coming off dominant performances on both sides of the ball last weekend. In a toss-up, gimme the home team as Adrian Peterson always dominates the Bears. The Pick: Minnesota 27, Chicago 16

Jacksonville at Houston, Monday night

Want a weird stat? With another TD grab Sunday versus the Browns, Kevin Walter now has seven on the season, ranking him second in the AFC. Only Randy Moss has more touchdown receptions than Walter this year. Want another weird stat? The Jaguars — a team everyone picked to knock the Colts off their pedestal in the AFC South — are 4-7. This one's not even an upset. The Pick: Houston 34, Jacksonville 24