HUMBLE ONE

The call came from The White House. "The President would like to speak with Mr. Humble," said the voice on the phone line. "This is Mr. Humble," I said, motioning to Cheeves to summon Ms. Humble. "The President wants to speak with me?" "Yes, sir. He does." A lot ran through my mind. Does the President want to nominate me for an ambassadorship? A Cabinet position? (Hopefully, his Kitchen Cabinet.) Gauge my interest in serving out a U.S. Senate term, or acting as the official White House Food Taster? "Maybe he wants you to walk his dog when the family is out of town," my little Sweet Pea suggested. Just then, the president spoke. "Humble One? This is the President. My family and I would like to use Humble Hall for our summer vacation the last week in August. We know it's near the ocean, and you have a swimming pool, right? A golf course, tennis courts and bike trails nearby? Sandwich shops to drop into and surprise the locals?" "Well, Mr. President, I'm checking my schedule and I see Humble Hall is booked to host the Annual Cotillion to raise funds for the Save the Shrimp for Me Fund," I said. "We also hold the monthly Sleepover and Ice Cream Party for the little cherubs that week. It's always a kid-favorite event, led by your portly soda jerk. Finally, that week my Little Lotus Blossom hosts her annual Knit-a-Thon to craft sweaters for homeless kittens - such a worthy cause. "I hate to disappoint you, Mr. President, but our schedules conflict. And these events will be held here during the same week for the next three years, as well. After that, who knows - if you know what I mean? "Have you considered Martha's Vineyard? I've heard it's a nice place to visit at in late August." There was a long pause, and then: "No," the Commander in Chief said, "but I'll look into it." As it turned out, the Vineyard was just what he was looking for. As for Week One's NFL picks, you don't need to look anywhere else. They're right here. Kansas City at Baltimore Mystery and intrigue follow Matt Cassel, the former Patriots QB whose sprained knee leaves his status for Game 1 in question. The Chiefs have been tight-lipped (sound familiar, New England fans?), but regardless of who takes the snaps, the Ravens' trademark defense, QB Joe Flacco and a plus-side running game will rule the day. Ravens by 9 Miami at Atlanta All you need to know are two words - Matt Ryan. The second-year QB from Boston College has a handle on all things Falcon and should have little trouble getting the better of a team whose part-owners this year came to include the tennis-playing Williams sisters. Sorry, Serena and Venus. Falcons by 11 Denver at Cincinnati Josh McDaniels left the Patriots for Denver's Mile-High scene, where the new Broncos head coach will go through some growing pains before winning - especially with Kyle Orton at quarterback. Cincinnati has Carson Palmer back at QB after he missed most of 2008 with an elbow injury. Bengals by 6 Detroit at New Orleans The Motor City franchise was a "perfect" 0-16 last season, which had never been done before, but the Lions will improve behind rookie Matthew Stafford at quarterback and Calvin Johnson as a prime receiver. No win, no way this week, though, as New Orleans takes to the air early and often on the arm of QB Drew Brees. Saints by 7 Minnesota at Cleveland Fortunately, Vikings QB Brett Favrre can hand off to running back Adrian Peterson, he of 1,760 rushing yards and 10 touchdowns last season. No threat of interceptions when Peterson carries. The Browns struggle on defense - good news for Peterson and, yes, for Favre. Vikings by 9 Jacksonville at Indianapolis Jacksonville's defense has given Indy fits in the past, but the Colts are prepared for that. At 33, Indy QB Peyton Manning is still The Man, and has a ground game with Joseph Addai and UConn rookie Donald Brown. Colts by 3 Dallas at Tampa Bay Cowboy QB Tony Romo will be bolstered by receiver Roy Williams and running backs Marion Barber and Felix Jones. Bucs coach Raheem Morris will have to wait at least another week to celebrate his first win. Cowboys by 4 N.Y. Jets at Houston Rookie QB Mark Sanchez is the apple of new Jets coach Rex Ryan's eye, but it might take time to grow into his position. Big-time running back Thomas Jones will contribute from the opening snap. Houston, with unheralded Matt Schaub at quarterback and Mario Williams starring at defensive end, won six of its last seven to close 2008 at 8-8. Texans by 1 Philadelphia at Carolina Both teams have the offensive weapons to roll up points. Donovan McNabb hopes to start Philly's season on a positive note, while Carolina QB counterpart Jake Delhomme can match him toss for toss. Panthers by 3 Washington at N.Y. Giants Pats fans have much to dislike here: Albert Haynesworth of Washington for his preseason hit on Tom Brady and Eli Manning of the Giants for "stealing" the Super Bowl from New England two years ago. This should be a battle in the trenches, but with enough offense to spice things up. Redskins by 2 St. Louis at Seattle The Rams are coming off a 2-14 record, in part because of time missed by key running back Steven Jackson and linked to quarterback Marc Bulger's ratio of 11 touchdown passes/13 interceptions. Seattle is buoyed by the return of QB Matt Hasselbeck from an injury-plagued season and the additions of rookie linebacker Aaron Curry and veteran pass catcher T.J. Houshmandzadeh. Seahawks by 8 San Francisco at Arizona Arizona was a surprise Super Bowl team last season, but it'll be hard to repeat the magic. QB Kurt Warner, now 38, but still has top-notch receiver Larry Fitzgerald and welcomes rookie running back Beanie Wells. The 49ers? They have a nice bridge. Cardinals by 9 Chicago at Green Bay QB Jay Cutler was traded from the Mile High City to the Windy City, and while his talented arm will pile up points, he'll need the Bears' defense to step up. This game is at the not-yet-frozen tundra of Green Bay's Lambeau Field, where quarterback Aaron Rodgers is rapidly coming into prominence. Packers by 1 Buffalo at New England No Tedy Bruschi, no Mike Vrabel, no Richard Seymour. Three big cogs on defense have moved on. But Tom Brady has moved back into the Patriots' quarterback slot and has lots of help on offense while the defense reinvents itself. The Bills, who added potentially distracting receiver Terrell Owens, coming off three straight 7-9 seasons. A season-opening loss on Monday night won't help their quest for respectability, and their first playoff appearance since Jan. 2, 1999. Patriots by 10 San Diego at Oakland The long-suffering Raiders are trying to Richard Seymour to their defense, but San Diego's offense, powered by super back LaDainian Tomlinson and engineered by QB Philip Rivers - will prove way too much for once-proud Oakland in the late game Monday night. Chargers by 12