RIPPLES ACROSS THE POND: The Cess 'Pool
by NICK WEBSTER, FOXSports.com
Now we're in the new millennium and Gerry H has obviously been studying Fergie's methods with dazzling success. First they win every trophy in sight, then they supply half the players in the England team, just like Man U. And the similarities don't end there. Both clubs have had Dutch controversies in the past week and now the 'Pool have an Eric Cantona impersonator, but we'll get to that later.
Back to the storm in a Dutch teacup.
Sander Westerveld, remember him? The Reds no.1, Holland no.2, and winner of five major trophies in the last six months.
Well, Sandy has made Gerry H go 'ooh la la' with a couple of right clangers. According to my mole inside the Anfield dressing room (my aunt's best friend's sister knows a cousin of the tea lady), Gerry H was becoming a tad miffed over Sandy's fear of crosses, leading him to believe that Sandy was in fact related to Dracula.
Sandy responded by telling Gerry that he was in fact waving to his mum who loves going to watch him play and can always be found in the stands. Gerry responded by telling Sandy to pack his bags and don't let the door hit you on the way out.
One of Sandy's best mates on the team, young Stevie G, was understandably upset about his little orange friend moving on. Stevie gets to shoot against Sandy in practice, and with Sandy being the good friend that he is, the orangeman has been letting some easy ones in to boost the young scouser's confidence. It's the same with Dean Holdsworth.
Hence, Gerry had no other choice than to deliver the silver bullet. Plus he was tired of all the jokes that he smelled of garlic (Well, he is French).
Stevie G was not pleased, and rightly so. He's a bona-fide hero at the moment. A national monument. He can do anything, like leap tall buildings, score against Germany etc. etc. He can't tackle though and this is where the Cantona resemblance comes in.
Doing his best to impersonate the old United hero, our Stevie launched himself two-footed to separate George Boateng and the ball from each other. (In Stevie's defense, George was on the pitch and not in the stands.) There was only one small flaw in his cunning plan. In a classic case of mistaken identity he mistook George's 'bertie' (bertie mee-knee) for the ball with horrific results. Red card Steve and another 'Pool loss.
Gerry H was quietly pleased though, as this deflected attention away from him and Sandy, him and Jerzey (the new Sandy), him and the fans, and the fact they've now lost two straight. Finally, if I'm not mistaken, Gerry's eyesight is becoming decidedly dodgy. Just like his fellow countryman down in North London who's also selectively blind, he was only a few yards from the... ahem tackle and had the nerve to say that Boateng deserved an Oscar (best re-constructive surgery of a knee more like).
Next week the Reds travel to Everton for what should be a dull, passionless encounter. Until then get the beers in.
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