BEAT'NICK: Match wits with our 'on the road' EPL ex-pat

by Nick Webster, FOXSports.com


Updated: September 20, 2001, 3:39 PM EST

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Poor Beat'Nick Webster. He's living here in America, 'on the road' away from his beloved English game. Each week, to stay cool, this crazy Daddy-O will take on all challengers with his picks for the hep cats and the squares of the EPL.

So, drop your bongo and email Beat'Nick with your picks and comments. Every week we'll choose one groovy guy or gal to face off against Nick. If you're our choice, we'll send you a Fox Sports World T-shirt, no matter how square you might be.

This week Beat'Nick takes on Robin Burt of Los Angeles. This aspiring Hollywood Hep Cat offers devotion to West Ham and a spot in the Sunset Spurs squad as his footballing credentials. He swears to "hammer Beat'Nick and burst his bubble." You must admire the lad's pluck and loyalty, but can anyone who backs the Hammers really know anything about the Prem? Well, at least the lad has some new kit to cry on.

Beat'Nick Webster Riffin' Robin Burt
Arsenal v Bolton
Hep Cat of the Match Thierry Henry. The 'French Rocket' will show Bolton what life in the Prem is really about. I expect a hat trick. Thierry Henry. He's looking a little tasty at the moment. Bolton should enjoy being top of the table, cuz it won't last for long.
Square of the Match Jussi Jaaskelainen. He's been the Wanderers best player so far, but he'll be 'finished' after this. Sam Allardyce. For fooling everyone for the last month that he's actually a Premiership manager. Wave goodbye to the Prem, the first division misses you Sam.
Blackburn v Everton
Hep Cat of the Match Jason McAteer. He's a Liverpool lad through and through so expect him to stick to the Toffees. The referee for having the bollocks to take a paycheck for reffing this dull and predictable encounter.
Square of the Match Dean Unsworth. Deano had a nightmare against the Reds last week. If he'd stop eating all the pies he might even be able to keep up with old man Mark Hughes. Yeah right! Duncan Ferguson. Proving time and time again that without his big, fat head he truly is a big old donkey. He's definitely making waffles for breakfast
Leicester v Fulham
Hep Cat of the Match Luis Saha. Louie, Louie is licking his lips at the prospect of this one. Dean Sturridge. His week to make the difference and help save Peter Taylor's job.
Square of the Match The entire Leicester team.. They'll lose, sack Taylor, and get relegated. Peter Taylor. He's got the vote of confidence from the Board, that's the kiss of death. Gillingham, anyone?
Liverpool v Tottenham
Hep Cat of the Match Michael Owen. No one can stop the 'Boy Wonder' from scoring ,and Spurs are always getting stuffed at Anfield.. Michael Owen. This little rascal is on a tear, say no more, wink, wink ...
Square of the Match Teddy Sheringham. You watch. Teddy will be sulking big time by the half, because he won't even see the ball. The Spurs defense for trying to stop Michael and his merry reds.
Manchester United v Ipswich
Hep Cat of the Match Fabian Barthez. Fab has been nothing but recently, so look for him to be 'tres magnifique' against the Tractor Boys. Ruud Van Nistelrooy. Look for the Dutchman to unleash upon the tractor boys and send them packing with a little extra manure for the trip back to East Anglia.
Square of the Match Marcus Stewart. He was deadly last season, but I fear the EPL defenses have sussed him out. He'll draw a blank. Matteo Sereni for trying to think that he could ever replace Richard Wright between the sticks.
Sunderland v Charlton
Hep Cat of the Match Kevin Phillips. Super Kev has rediscovered his scoring touch, so it will be more doom and gloom for the Addicks. Kevin Phillips explodes onto the 2001-2 Prem season, we still love you Kev ...
Square of the Match Chris Powell. After being tortured by Kewell and Co last week, Chris was hoping for a week off. Not a chance. Richard Murray, Charlton Chairman, for even suggesting a two division Premiership. What were you thinking? Shame on you!
Chelsea v Boro
Hep Cat of the Match Paul Ince. Incey is loving life and living up to his nickname of the Guv'nor. Throw in the fact that he's a Londoner and he'll be firing on all cylinders. Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. He may be bloody moody, but he know's how to put the ball in the old onion bag, god bless his cotton socks.
Square of the Match Emmanuel Petit. Manu likes the big glamour games so expect him to disappear when the going gets tough. Marco Branca for moaning about pocket monies owed to him after leaving Middlesbrough in 1999. Come on you weren't worth it! Clear the dishes, wash the car and we'll think about it ...
Leeds v Derby
Hep Cat of the Match Rio Ferdinand. Rio is like samba. Cool with plenty of rhythm. You dig? Robbie Keane. Proving once again that life in the Prem is better than in Serie A .
Square of the Match George Burley. Playing in defense for the Rams is a lose-lose situation. Mills. Look for Millsey to bring his usual brand of thuggery to the beautiful game.
West Ham v Newcastle
Hep Cat of the Match Robert Laurent. Yet another Frenchie who can turn the match whenever he feels like it. The entire Newcastle team for just showing up in the East End of London.
Square of the Match Paolo di Canio. I expect Paolo to completely melt down. In other words push a ref, slap a teammate, then verbally abuse Glenn Roeder. The entire West Ham team for playing, it pains me to say, like a bunch of donkeys again.
Southampton v Aston Villa
Hep Cat of the Match Juan Pablo Angel The Columbian import is high quality. Darius Vassell. This is definitely his season to chase Mr. Owen all the way for leading scorer, plus he's playing against Southampton on Saturday.
Square of the Match Paul Jones. Something about St. Mary's that makes Jonesy play like a fairy. Rupert Lowe, For being such a cry baby over the Dean Richards affair with Spurs. Lighten up Lowe; the Saints will still be average without him.

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