BEAT'NICK: Match wits with our EPL ex-pat
by Nick Webster, FOXSports.com
Poor Beat'Nick Webster. He's living here in America, 'on the road' away from his beloved English game. Each week, to stay cool, this crazy Daddy-O will take on all challengers with his picks for the hep cats and the squares of the EPL.
So, drop your bongo and e-mail Beat'Nick with your picks and comments. Every week we'll choose one groovy guy or gal to face off against Nick. If you're our choice, we'll send you a FOX Sports World T-shirt, no matter how square you might be. Well, Beat'Nick certainly had his hands full against Philly native, Jazzy Joel Zuercher. The West Ham fan made some daring picks that paid off handsomely, but his blind devotion to the Hammers probably cost him the victory, as Beat'Nick edges out a 7 to 6.5 against the lad. (We gave him half a point for his cleverness.)win
Of course, Beat'Nick gave us the best pick when he foretold Gazza's woes of yellow and injury. The jury was inlcined to even the score given Joel's bold prediction on the Boro v S'oton match, but Nick's whimpering got to us.
This week the Prem takes a little breather as attention turns to a World Cup qualifying weekend. If you think you've got the stuff on the international game, send your challenge to Beat'Nick. Poor sod hasn't got much else to do.
| Beat'Nick Webster | Jazzy Joel Zuercher | |
|---|---|---|
| Bolton v Sunderland | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Michael Ricketts. I dissed him last week and he bit my behind. I love you Mickey, please forgive me. | Niall Quinn. The in-form Irishman will expose Bolton for the frauds that they are. 2-0 for Sunderland. |
| Square of the Match | Thomas Sorenson. Tom is one sorry son of a Black Cat. Their season is going south, which is weird because they're from the North. | Jussi Jaaskelainen. Bolton's Finnish goaltender can't find a shirt big enough to fit his name. |
| Charlton v Leicester | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Shaun Bartlett. Since leaving the MLS for the EPL, Shaun has become a good player ... Coincidence! | Ronaldo. The Brazilian goes straight into the Addicks' side as Alan Curbishley's slick player exchange deal with Inter Milan finally bears fruit for Charlton, 0-0. |
| Square of the Match | Matt Elliot. I really wanted to pick Robbie, but I can't do it every week. If you watch closely Matty is doing some serious sulking and is liable to nut PT. | Robbie Savage. Just look at him. |
| Derby v Arsenal | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Danny Higgonbotham. If Bolton can tie the Arse on the road, I'm sure Danny will be able to plug them at home. | Dennis Bergkamp. Like Bergkamp, Arsenal often are reluctant to fly high away from Highbury. Against this lot, though, we'll go with 1-nil to the Arse on a late Bergkamp goal. |
| Square of the Match | Anyone French. If the Gunners want to be legit contenders they better start showing a stiff upper lip and a bit of the Dunkirk spirit. | Fabrizio Ravenelli. Why would you leave Italy to play for Derby? He wins this year's 'Benito Carbone Award'. |
| Everton v West Ham | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Frederic Kanoute. Scoring goals is the same as scoring with the birds. You never forget how and sometimes you just need an ugly one to get you going again. | 'Car-Sky and Hutch'. Hammers central midfield duo of Michael Carrick and Don Hutchinson, will control the action and lead the pride of London to victory at Goodison. Two-nil to the Cockney boys. |
| Square of the Match | Paul Gascoigne. Gazza has been doing great for close to two games. Don't worry, this week it'll be yellow cards and out injured for a month. | Joe-Max Moore. American probably won't get off the bench after blowing a late chance to equalize last week. |
| Boro v Southampton | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Steve McClaren. Steve, you're a genius. I never doubted you, no matter what anybody says. Another three points and we'll be dreaming of Europe. | Marian Pahars. FOX Sports World's favorite 'Little Latvian' will help the Saints, chronically battling relegation, pull a surprise at the Riverside. 3-2 Southampton. |
| Square of the Match | Tahar El Khalej. If he reads this he'll probably fall over and try and get me sent off. What a poof! | Paul Ince. Career has been on a steady downward spiral since leaving West Ham. |
| Spurs v Man United | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Dean Richards. See, it just goes to prove that if you whine long enough, you can play for whoever you like. He is good, though. | Ruud Van Nistelrooy. Dutch strikers are good for two things: great goals and cool names. 2-1 to Man Ure with Van Nistelrooy getting the winner. |
| Square of the Match | David Beckham. To be honest there's so many candidates on the Reds, but Becks is due a temper tantrum, so he gets the nod. | Kasey Keller. Kasey, there are plenty of places you could play. Why'd you choose to sit behind Neil Sullivan? |
| Aston Villa v Blackburn | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Lee Hendrie. Ooh, he's so annoying snapping at your heels for ninety minutes. If he doesn't take an early bath, he'll be the Hep Cat. | Peter Schmeichel. Off-season signing helps Villa - the Cleveland Cavaliers of the EPL (middle-of-the-country, exciting as watching paint dry - to another scoreless draw.) Yawn. |
| Square of the Match | Corrado Grabi. He's just like his manager. He'll kick anything that moves. 'Sorry mate was that your knee cap I just shattered' is one of his favorite lines. | Juan Pablo Angel . Much-hyped Villa acquisition finally paying some dividends this year. We're guessing it won't last. |
| Fulham v Chelsea | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Luis Saha. 'Cor blimey me old china' not another London derby. Saha will be going ha ha after this moneybags encounter. | Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink. See Van Nistelrooy (above). 2-1 Chelsea. |
| Square of the Match | Frank Lampard, John Terry, Jody Morris, Eidur Gudjohnsen. "Trousers down, bottoms out, life is but a dream". What was that about Gud - johnsen? Make mine a double lads. | Frank Lampard. One of four Blues reprimanded for midweek public intoxication, nudity and vomiting. Hmmm, sounds like a FOX Sports World Christmas Party. |
| Ipswich v Leeds | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | The Leeds back four. They're tighter than a gnat's chuff. The Town will need a blow torch to get in behind them. | Rio Ferdinand Supremely talented England center back keeps Leeds cruising at the top. 3-1 Leeds on the road. |
| Square of the Match | Titus Bramble. His title of 'one for the future' will be exactly that after United sort him out. | Frank Farina. The Australian national skipper again threatens to call in Kewell and Viduka, this time for upcoming 'crucial' East Timor friendly. |
| Newcastle v Liverpool | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Foluwashola Ameobi. The stage is set for this boy to become a star if only we can pronounce his name. | Nolberto Solano. There will be sweet music at St. James Park as the trumpet-playing, Peruvian midfielder helps the Magpies continue their strong start. 3-2 Newcastle. |
| Square of the Match | Robbie Fowler. Robbie has a chance to shine now the 'Boy Wonder' is out of the way. Watch him cock it up, then go out dancing in the 'Toon' and get beaten up. | Michael Owen's hamstring Another flare-up deprives Liverpool and England of their most exciting player for two months. |
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