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BEAT'NICK: Head to head with Fox Sports World's EPL ex-pat
by FOXSports.com
Updated: October 11, 2001, 9:22 PM EDT
Poor Beat'Nick Webster. He's living here in America, "on the road" and away from his beloved English game. Each week, to stay cool, this crazy Daddy-O will take on all challengers with his picks for the hep cats and the squares of the EPL.
So, drop your bongo and e-mail Beat'Nick with your picks and comments. Every week we'll choose one groovy guy or gal to face off against Nick. If you're our choice, we'll send you a FOX Sports World T-shirt, no matter how square you might be. Well, that sorry Ipswich muppet, Fox Sports World's "Cool" Chris Miles demanded a rematch this week. A few good weeks in the EPL Challenge has him feeling smart in his pants. Claims Beat'Nick didn't tally fairly last time. Not us! But will some brave picks and a few clever quips be enough? Read on.
| Beat'Nick Webster | "Cool" Chris Miles | |
|---|---|---|
| Blackburn v West Ham | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Corrado Grabbi. Badda-bing Badda-boom, Glenn Roeder's boy's will be sleeping with the fishes and waking up to another donkey performance. | David's "Dunn" it again, possibly making Graeme Souness the "Sweaty" of Choice to replace Craig Brown. |
| Square of the Match | Nigel Winterburn. I'm not saying he's past it but have a look at his sell-by date. Rovers, 2-1, in the last minute. | Trevor Sinclair is smart for trying to jumping off a sinking ship, and without the England international, (excuse me, I can't resist the cliche), it's going to be Hammer time at Ewood Park. |
| Bolton v Newcastle | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Nolberto Solano. His passport maybe as bent as a nine-dollar bill, but Nobby is no Peruvian flake. | Ex-Ranger Rod Wallacecontinues south of the border, leaving memories of Glasgow far behind. |
| Square of the Match | Gundi Bergsson says he wants to be a lawyer when he retires. Stick to football, mate; at least you can blame your cock-ups on teammates. Newcastle, 1-0, in a snoozer. | Warren "slower than molasses in winter" Barton, is blitzed in the back, as the Magpie lads leave Lancashire with a two-goal hangover. |
| Charlton v Middlesbrough | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Chris Powell will show Sven's number two what being a left back is all about. That includes how to tackle. | N'Sync Justin Timberlake look-alike, Jonatan Johansson, is back on tour, and hitting the high notes. |
| Square of the Match | Alen Boksic. After playing ninety minutes for Croatia, Alen was blowing out of his bottom. There's no way he'll play more than thirty before picking up a knock. Charlton are tough to beat at the Valley, 2-0. | Steve McClaren didn't learn anything from Fergie, and leaves Boro fans (are there any?) remembering the good old days under Bryan Robson. Hey Stevie, maybe there's room at Swen's house! Addicks 2-nil. |
| Chelsea v Leicester | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Eidur Gudjohnsen. The obvious pick is JFH, but I fancy Eidur to get on the score sheet to make up for his boozy indiscretions. | Ed de Goey cleans up his dirty sheet as the Blues use an attacking formation. Wait a minute, I don't have to explain. They're playing Leicester for cryin' out loud! |
| Square of the Match | Dennis Wise. Wisey returns home for the first time since moving to those trophy-challenging Foxes. I can't decide between two yellows or a straight red card. Either way I win. Chelsea pile on the misery, 3-0. | Hello Dave Bassett, this is Satan. You're the new coach of Leicester. Welcome to hell. Sunday's headline: "Leicester's Bassett Hounded by Blues" |
| Ipswich v Everton | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Marcus Stewart. Mr. Golden Boots has found his touch, and against a Toffees defense that has more holes than a sieve he'll be scoring like a night out on the town. | After high-fiving the Hammers, Tomasz Radzinski and the Toffees come back to earth, but the Polish polish shines bright enough to squeak one out in Suffolk. |
| Square of the Match | Walter Smith. Evertonians are praying that he takes the Scotland job and leaves them while their still in the Prem. Ipswich get a badly needed three points, 2-1. | Ipswich keeper Matteo Sereni, is roasted alive, as Radzinski and "Hannibal" Campbell dine Italian. On the menu: Goalkeeper with fava beans and a nice chianti. |
| Liverpool v Leeds | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Dietmar Hamman. Didi needs to get fit for those World Cup play-offs (hah-hah). Leeds can expect some midfield domination. | England's Steven Gerrard forgets Greece, puts down the pint, gets on the wagon, and steers the Owen-less attack. |
| Square of the Match | Rio Ferdinand. $27 million for Mr. Casual (what a joke). If he defends like he did last Saturday it'll be a Red letter day at Anfield. Liverpool, 3-2, in a barn burner. | Lucky David O'Leary, you do own the league's best defense, but don't you know you don't have to play your first 11 against Leicester. Irish eyes are not smiling, but a draw will wipe away the frown. |
| Southampton v Arsenal | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Thierry Henry. Thierry's got more fizz than a bottle of Dom Perignon. He'll be popping his cork at the prospect of this one. | Fred Ljungberg is perhaps the most underrated midfielder in the Prem, but the Swede finally gets his due as Freddy and the Frenchies march over the Saints. |
| Square of the Match | Stuart Gray. You're out of your depth mate. Plus you're useless at home. Arsenal make a statement on the road, 3-0. | Stuart Gray. Anemic up front, and frail in the back, means Gray days ahead on the south coast, but look on the bright side Stuart, there may be some work at 'Boro. |
| Sunderland v Man United | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | David Beckham. He's got everything - according to Posh!. Even when he goes to the loo he comes out smelling of roses. (Editors note: Last time Beat'Nick picked Becks as the Square. Just what instrument is ol' Nicky tooting on the bandwagon?) | The perfectly immaculate David Beckham. The "Spicey One" can steal the show, even if he's not on the pitch. Hey Jaap Stam! The boy may be a bit dim, but he's got a hell of a right foot. |
| Square of the Match | Kevin Phillips. Kev won't feel so super after Blanc's kicked him a few times. Man U take this one, 2-1. | Fergie's group of defensive donkeys couldn't stop Nick Webster, what makes you think they will deny Super Kev and wily Niall. Once again the best defense is a good offense; 3-2 to the Red Devils. |
| Tottenham v Derby | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Glenn Hoddle. Glenn seems lost without Mrs. E, but there's nothing like finding the faith against a pathetic Rams side. | A draw. Steady Teddy Sheringham sharpens his Spurs for his third strike in a week. Former Ram boss Jim Smith for spurning a consolation post in the front office after being axed by the board. Good on ya Jimmy!!!. |
| Square of the Match | Colin Todd. Toddy get used to taking some flak now that the Bald Eagle has flown the roost. Result: Spurs win, Spurs win! Stop the press. 2-0. | Colin Todd. You asked for it; you got it. After this one you'll know what caused your old boss's hair to fall out, you're the next 'Bald Eagle'. Back to Derby you go with no goals. |
| Aston Villa v Fulham | ||
| Hep Cat of the Match | Juan Pablo Angel. This Colombian has picked up a nasty habit in the last couple of weeks if you're a defender. He can't stop scoring. | The Dane is still great, as Peter Schmeichel saves the Villains from their crimes at home. |
| Square of the Match | Edwin van de Saar. He'll be taking Dutch arrogance to previously unheard-of levels. He doesn't even care that they're not going to Asia. Villa have the edge, 2-1. | From hero to zero, Luis Saha and company come away empty. You're not in the first division anymore, Lou. One should be enough for Gregory's boys. |
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