by Jerry Greene, Sentinel Columnist , Orlando Sentinel

"Don't draw no conclusions

From my broken resolutions.

Just come on ov'r to my house

And we'll both git soused."

Seriously, has anyone ever explained why we make New Year's resolutions when we know we won't stick to them?

Of course, we all can think of resolutions other folks should make. Maybe that's how it should work. On New Year's Eve we should have a "resolutions swapping" party. Imagine sitting around with friends and relatives to open sealed lists of the resolutions they think you should make?

Talk about bloodshed.

But just in case someone such as Jessica Simpson should invite me to a "resolutions swap," I've made a list for others. Humor me, please, and read it:

Suggested resolutions

* Tiger Woods: Walk softly but carry a big stick.

* Rod Marinelli: Kick my cat -- 16 times.

* Plaxico Burress: Buy pants with pockets.

* Cast of "Lost": Either find the darn island and stay on it or get off it, but make a choice!

* Lance Armstrong: Become a pro wrestler so nobody cares what's in my urine.

* Roger Clemens: Try to remember.

* Tiger Woods II: Fire my caddy.

* Brett Favre: Retire. No, wait, don't retire. Better retire after all. But I'll miss it! Retirement's off. No, wait . . .

* Jessica Simpson: Give a call to that hunky Eli Manning.

* Big Brown: Don't mention the Belmont when I'm entertaining the ladies.

* Chicago Cubs: Take up hockey. That seems to work at Wrigley.

* NHL: Convince Versus to change its name to something that will make sense to viewers -- such as Per Se.

* Orlando Predators: Hold off on 2010 season-ticket sales.

* Jack Bauer: Take a day off.

* Bud Selig: Make myself scarce when the World Series extends into November.

* Tina Fey: Find someone else to imitate.

* Otis Smith: Let Hedo Turkoglu fly the team plane or anything else he wants before free agency.

* Rich Rodriguez: Make no promises.

* Charlie Weis: See "Rich Rodriguez."

* Joe Paterno & Bobby Bowden: Check out that video from The Villages.

* Tim Tebow: Find out if walking on water is really that hard.

* John Daly: Oh, nevermind. Nobody would believe it anyway.

One more Tiger cheer!

Before we completely (and perhaps thankfully) leave 2008 in the rearview mirror, I'd like to vote for my Good News Sports Story of 2008. There were many candidates including Michael Phelps winning eight golds (that AP honored), the Giants stopping the Pats' Perfect Season and, locally, the progress of the Magic.

But for me it was Tiger Woods at the U.S . Open . It would have been even more stunning if we had known how badly he was injured, but we knew it was bad just by watching. Come on, 91 holes on essentially one leg to get his 14th major before being forced to shut it down?

You get a standing ovation, Tiger, but there's no need to stand. Just get well and come back. Golf really needs you.

'Beat Jerry' champ!

While we're still standing and ovating, all hail Ed Shuckman of Lake Mary -- our 2008 "Beat Jerry" NFL predictions champion. Ed says it was "great fun playing and even more fun winning." He finished with 178 points, one ahead of Richard McCormick of Winter Park and another up on late closer Neil Allen of Orlando. Ed, 40, will soon be having the traditional champion's dinner with me.

Our Week 17 champ was A.M. Diaz of Deltona, who closed the regular season with a perfect 16-0. Wear your Beat Jerry T-shirt with pride, A.M., during the day or in the P.M., too. (Sorry.)

And I was 13-3 in Week 17 to finish 163-92-1 (64 percent for the season) and 10-5-1 against the spread (125-117-10 for season). A good year, especially finishing ahead of that pesky fifth-grade class at Cheney Elementary. So, yes, finally I am smarter than a fifth-grader.

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